


(Slightly) Less Useless, (Definitely) Gayer

by Emyvio



Series: Useless Gays [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Child Neglect, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M, Mild Language, Multi, Musician Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Nudity, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Trans Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, no beta we die like men
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-27
Updated: 2021-01-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:13:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 20,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24945931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emyvio/pseuds/Emyvio
Summary: Takes place after Wrong Numbers and Useless Gays (if you haven't read it, this will literally make no sense). Watch as these useless gays get closer and learn what it means to be a family. Now with plot!
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil/Creativity | Roman/Logic | Logan/Morality | Patton, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Series: Useless Gays [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1781953
Comments: 446
Kudos: 381





	1. The Morning After

Virgil groaned as he woke up. He went to sit up, but there was a heavy weight on his chest and legs. He opened his eyes, expecting to see Janus and Remus on top of him. Instead, Patton was laying on his left side, holding hands with both Virgil and Logan. Logan was laying on Virgil’s right, nuzzling Virgil’s neck. Roman layed across their laps, his head in Logan’s. Both Virgil and Logan had a hand in Roman’s hair. Virgil sighed, petting Roman’s hair. He kept his eyes open, if only to keep this dream lasting a little longer.

He felt Logan stir next to him, breathing deeply into Virgil’s neck. If this were real, Virgil’s cheeks would be tomato-red. Instead, Virgil sighed happily, leaning his head on Logan’s. Logan nuzzled deeper into Virgil’s neck. “Mornin’” he mumbled out, the vibrations of his voice tickling Virgil’s collarbone. Virgil huffed out a laugh, moving his hand (the one in Roman’s hair) to rub Logan’s.

“This ‘s a nice dream.” Virgil mumbled, his eyes drifting shut for a moment. He felt Logan tense for a moment before he removed his hand from Virgil. There were a few moments of silence before-

“Ah!” Virgil jumped slightly, a sharp pain at his side. He froze, making sure that Patton and Roman were still asleep. When neither of them stirred, he turned to glare at Logan. His hand was still at Virgil’s side from where he pinched him. “What the hell, Lo?!” Virgil hissed out, trying not to shout.

“You assumed that this was a dream.” Logan responded, nuzzling back into Virgil’s shoulder. “One of the main signs of dreaming is the inability to feel pain. Therefore, the best way to test your hypoth… thesis… is to…” Virgil watched with a fond smile as Logan fell back asleep. He sat there for a few minutes, trying to remember how this dream became his reality.

The memories hit him like a freight train. His plans for their date, the rainstorm, his confession to being Anxiety. They had not only accepted him, but they wanted him to join their relationship. And he said yes! Virgil tried to remember what happened next. They had a Disney movie marathon while eating Virgil’s picnic lunch. Virgil blushed as he remembered how they playfully fed each other the chocolates Virgil had bought for them. Afterward, they cuddled on the couch and watched a few more movies before falling asleep. Virgil smiled as he looked at his three crushes- no,  _ boyfriends.  _ Wasn’t that a weird thing to say?  _ Virgil’s boyfriends.  _ Virgil could hear that a thousand times over and it would  _ still  _ feel surreal.

_ Knock! Knock! Knock! _

Virgil snorted as Roman jumped, falling off of their laps and onto the floor. “You okay, Princey?” Roman groaned, not moving from his spot on the ground. “Are you gonna answer the door?” Another groan, but no movement.

_ Knock! Knock! Knock! _

Roman sat up, rubbing his eyes. “Coming!” He called out, slowly getting up. “I swear to Disney this better be important.” He grumbled out. Virgil huffed out a laugh as Roman made his way to the door. He couldn’t see what was going on, but he heard the conversation clearly.

“What are  _ you  _ doing here? It’s only… 8:30 in the morning!”

“Well, RoRo, Virgil was  _ supposed  _ to meet up with us last night, but he never showed. Since last we heard from him he was on his way to see you, we assumed that he was with you.” Virgil silently groaned, resisting the urge to facepalm. He’d completely forgotten about his plans with Remus and Janus.

“Well, Virgil decided to stay here tonight-”

“Wait!” Janus yelled, interrupting Roman’s explanation. “Did you guys have sex?”

Roman sputtered. “No! It was our first date! Why on Earth would we have sex on the first date?”

“But did you sleep in the same bed together?” Remus asked in a teasing tone.

“I mean, we all slept on the couch together, so-”

“AHA!” Remus yelled. Patton and Logan woke up with a start.

“Wha’s goin’ on?” Patton asked, his voice slurred. 

“I TOLD YOU THEY WOULD SLEEP TOGETHER!” Remus yelled, obviously not caring that he woke everyone else up.

Janus sputtered. “But- that was obviously  _ not  _ the connotation you were using when we made this bet!”

“IT DOESN’T MATTER!” Remus screamed out. “A DEAL’S A DEAL! THAT RUG’S GOIN’, BITCH!”

“Wait a minute.” Virgil said, speaking up for the first time. “Janus, you betted your  _ rug  _ on something with such an obvious loophole?” He sat up as Roman let Remus and Janus into the house. How they were so impeccably dressed at 8:30 in the morning, Virgil would never know.

“Wait,” Patton said, still half-asleep. “What’s so important about this rug.”

Janus cleared his throat. “It was a birthday gift from an associate of mine.”

“A bear-skinned rug.” Remus clarified, still bouncing on the tips of his toes. “Set up in the middle of the hallway. Almost every time I pass it, I trip on it. And he won’t even let us have sex on it! What’s the point of a bear-skinned rug if we can’t sex it!”

“Ignoring how grammatically incorrect that last sentence was,” Logan said, grabbing his glasses from the bedside table. “Have the two of you had breakfast? We just woke up so we will probably be eating soon.”

Remus and Roman both turned to the people on the couch, speaking excitedly at the same time. “Can you make pancakes (Pattycake/VeeVee)? Please!” They both paused to stare at each other.

“What are you talking about? Pat makes the best pancakes!”

“You  _ obviously  _ haven’t had Virgil’s blueberry pancakes! I thought I was in heaven the first time I ate those.”

“Just wait until you’ve had Pattycake’s strawberry pancakes! Nothing on this Earth could rival his strawberry perfections!”

Virgil looked down at Patton, a goofy smile on his lips. “You know what this calls for, right?”

Patton giggled. “Pancake fight?”

Virgil laughed, finally feeling content with life. “Pancake fight.”

* * *

Patton and Virgil didn’t have any spoken rules for their “pancake fight,” so they ran into a few issues pretty quickly. Most of them were easily resolved, such as who can use the mixer and who gets to use the stove first. However, they ran into one issue near the end. Virgil was using the stove first, and Patton took the moment to taste some of Virgil’s batter.

“Hey!” Virgil said, lightly pushing Patton away. “Hands off the batter.”

Patton playfully scowled, before his expression turned serious. “Did you put chocolate in this?” He saw Virgil’s guilty look and yelled. “I didn’t know we could use chocolate! You cheater! You’re using our boyfriend’s love of chocolate against me!” He gestured to Logan, one of the judges for this event. “Now I’ve gotta add chocolate,” Patton grumbled, heading towards the fridge.

“Nuh-uh.” Virgil laughed as he turned off the burner. He grabbed Patton’s sleeve. “It’s already your turn to use the stove, and you said I couldn’t add more blueberries when I was flipping flapjacks.”

Patton’s face went slightly red, trying to force his own giggles down. “How dare you use my own logic against me!” He grabbed a handful of flour and smeared it across Virgil’s cheek. The room went silent. All eyes turned to Virgil, who was staring at Patton in shock. Patton’s face immediately softened. “Oh baby, I’m so sorry.” He said stepping forward to cup Virgil’s cheek-

Suddenly, there was a handful of flour in Patton’s hair. Patton stared at Virgil, who suddenly had a mischievous smirk on his face. Virgil kissed the tip of Patton’s nose while he used his hand to smear the flour into his hair. He suddenly backed away, a plate full of blueberry-chocolate pancakes in hand. “Your turn to use the stove, Angel.” He said cheekily.

Patton laughed, grabbing another handful of flour. “Oh, it’s on.”

The resulting flour battle could only be described as  _ disastrous.  _ Logan and Janus teamed up around halfway through the fight, and the twins seemed to only be targeting each other. The fight long after they ran out of flour, when everyone was too tired to keep playing. Patton quickly made his pancakes and they sat down to eat (Patton had somehow snuck white chocolate into the bowl during the flour battle. How he did that while still constantly hitting Virgil and Logan with flour, they’d never know). They concluded that Virgil and Patton’s pancakes were of equal taste, though they were even better together.

Virgil smiled as he watched how Roman tried to toss leftover blueberries into Remus’ mouth. How Logan and Janus watched with exasperated fondness, gossiping (“evaluating information” they said) as they sipped their coffee. How Patton held Virgil’s hand from under the table. Virgil sighed. In his wildest dreams, Virgil had never dreamed of something so… perfect. But it  _ was  _ perfect. And it was all Virgil’s.


	2. Kyle is shook

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! This was planned to come out 2 days ago, but I had a huge headache that made me crave death for the past 3 days. This chapter was supposed to be longer, but it's already over 2,000 words. So the next chapter will hopefully be out soon! Hope you enjoy!

After the Pancake Fight (and subsequent flour fight) Virgil’s boyfriends went over their schedule for the day. Virgil pulled up the calendar on his phone, unsurprised to see that he had nothing scheduled today. Judging by Remus’ excitement, neither he nor Janus had anything scheduled today either.

“Well, I need to check in with Katherine soon, but other than that I’m free today. Lo doesn’t have any classes or shifts today, and Ro doesn’t have rehearsals this week. Are you guys busy?” Patton asked, standing up to collect plates.

Janus groaned, burying his head in his hands. “We also have nothing scheduled for today.” He turned to Remus, who had started bouncing in his chair. “Can we not do this another day, Love?”

Remus shook his head. “Nope! If we don’t do it today, you’re just gonna hold it off until I forget about it!” He leaned over and planted a kiss on Janus’ cheek, purposefully making a wet _squelch_ as he pulled away. “And that’s _not_ hapennin, babe.”

“Wait a minute,” Roman said suddenly, pointing at Remus. “Are you and Janus-”

“Boyfriends? Friends with benefits? Lovers?” Remus asked, getting up to sit in Janus’ lap. “Yes! All of the above! We don’t really put a label on it” He gently took Janus’ hands, which were still covering his face, and wrapped them around Remus’ waist. “Either way, this hunk of man-meat is all mine! And I’m sorry, bro, but I ain’t sharin’ him.”

Virgil laughed as Roman’s jaw dropped. “What’s wrong, Princey? Cat got your tongue? I already told you that Remus and Janus were dating.”

Roman sputtered. “Well, yes. But I... I didn’t... it never really clicked… I didn’t realize-”

Remus laughed, wiping imaginary tears from his eyes. “Aw, didn’t realize that you’re not the only twin getting dick every night?” He saw Roman blush and doubled over in laughter. “Oh Ro, you sweet oblivious child… never change bro, never change.”

Logan cleared his throat, sparing his boyfriend from any further embarrassment. “If I may ask, what task was Janus acting so… _hesitant_ towards?” He reached up to adjust his glasses. “If said task is nothing too personal, I should be no issue for Roman and me to assist you.”

Janus groaned again, burying his head between Remus’ shoulder blades. Remus cackled. “We’re getting rid of the rug today! You should come over! We can show off the house, and you can help us decide how to get rid of it! Janus can’t distract all of us!”

Virgil got up to help Patton load the dishwasher. “Hey Pat, think I can go to the cafe with you? It’s been a while since I’ve talked to Katherine.”

Patton nodded, closing the dishwasher. “Sure thing, Kiddo! We can even get the others some tea and coffee while we’re there!” With their plans set in motion, everyone got ready for the day. Everyone but Janus and Remus were still in their pajamas, so they all went upstairs to change. Luckily for Virgil, Patton had washed Virgil’s rain-soaked clothes last night. Remus and Janus were still covered in flour, but they were heading home so it didn’t really matter. Once everyone was ready and Virgil had their drink orders jotted down, they departed.

* * *

Virgil had a sudden realization as they pulled into the parking lot of _Puppy Pastries._ “Hey, Pat?” Patton hummed, slightly distracted. “Does Katherine know?”

“About what?” Patton asked, turning off the car.

Virgil huffed. “About _us?_ ”

“What about u- _oh.”_ Patton blushed, suddenly finding his pants _very_ interesting. “No, she doesn’t. I haven’t talked to her since before Valentine’s day, so…”

“So she doesn’t know that we’re together?” Patton shook his head. Virgil smirked. “Wanna mess with her?” Patton looked up, his eyes wide. “Nothing bad,” Virgil assured him. “Just acting as we did before V-day, then acting lovey-dovey for no apparent reason. We’ll tell her after, I swear.”

Patton sat there for a few moments, biting his lip. Virgil found that _way too sexy._ “Promise we’ll tell her after?”

Virgil smiled, leaning over to kiss Patton. “Pinky promise.” He said fake-solemnly, holding out his pinky. Patton giggled, wrapping his pinky around Virgil’s before peppering kisses all over Virgil’s face. Virgil laughed, accepting the kisses before stepping out of the car. “Give me 2 minutes, then come in.”

Virgil strolled into _Puppy Pastries,_ nearly sighing at the soft chimes made from opening the door. It had been almost a full week since Virgil had last been here, and he hadn’t realized how much of a routine this had become until now. He sauntered up to the counter, noting the blue pronoun bracelet on the other’s wrist.

“Rich Stranger! Nice to see you again!” Kyle smiled, already turning to prepare Virgil’s drink. “I was starting to miss your $100 tips and snarky attitude.”

“It’s nice to be back,” Virgil admitted, deciding to not grab a sucker this time. Patton probably wouldn’t want to kiss him if he’s sticky. “So, how’s life treating you?”

“Same as always,” Kyle replied, setting the drink down in front of Virgil. “My partner’s been gone all week visiting family, so I’ve been bored out of my mind.”

Virgil raised an eyebrow. “I didn’t know you were in a relationship.”

Kyle huffed, giving Virgil a small smile. “I usually don’t talk about my love life with strangers. Especially ones that flirt with my taken boss.”

Virgil smirked. “We’re not strangers. I’ve been ordering coffee from here for weeks.”

Kyle laughed. “I don’t even know your name.”

Virgil held out his hand. “Virgil Storm.”

Kyle shook his hand. “Kyle Picani. Or Katherine, depending on the day.” He turned to clean up the counter behind him. “Boss man’s late today, still want me to convince you that it’s on the house?”

Virgil grinned. “I actually saw Angel pull up just as I walked in. Wanna mess with him?”

Kyle side-eyed him. “I’m listening.”

Virgil took a sip of his tea. “All you have to do is ask if I want anything else. Y’know, the standard ‘will that be all’ bullshit.”

Kyle nodded, turning back to face Virgil. “That I can do.”

Patton chose that moment to walk into the bakery, the soft chimes alerting Virgil to his presence. Virgil turned around to face Patton, his hand reaching to pull out his wallet. Patton’s hair was messier than it had been in the car, and Virgil noticed that he’d unbuttoned the top two buttons on his shirt. “Hello, Kyle! Sorry I’m late.” He turned to look at Virgil, subtly biting his lip as he put his hands on his hips. _“Oh._ Hello again. I hope you’re putting that wallet back in your pocket.” Virgil internally groaned as Patton squeezed his own hips. _So we’re playing THAT game, huh?_

Flirt Mode: Activated

Anxiety smirked, leaning back against the counter. “Angel! Long time, no see. We were just talkin’ about ya.” He opened up his wallet, almost laughing at how annoyed Patton looked at the action. “Actually, I have a game for us to play.”

Patton tilted his head to the side, knitting his eyebrows together. “What type of game?”

Anxiety smirked, dropping $20 into the tip jar. He watched Patton gape for a moment before turning to Kyle. He was watching with an amused expression, probably already realizing the rule of this ‘game.’ “Will that be all?” He asked, waggling his eyebrows. 

Anxiety laughed, dropping another $20 into the jar. “Yeah, two caramel frappuccinos, please.” He turned to face Patton, who was still gaping. “You okay, Angel?” It was taking all of Anxiety’s willpower to not laugh at Patton’s expressions.

Patton sputtered. “You know you don’t have to pay! Why are you still tipping?” He squeaked- that’s right, _squeaked,_ like a mouse- as Anxiety dropped another $20 into the jar. “I swear, one day I’ll get rid of that tip jar! If only so you won’t spend $100 every time you come here!”

Anxiety tilted his head so that he was looking up at Patton through his bangs. He gave Patton his best pout. “But I _like_ spending $100 every time I come here. Are you going to deprive me of my right as a paying customer?” He quickly turned away from Patton’s reddening face, knowing he would crack if he kept looking.

Kyle’s shoulders were shaking in silent laughter as he asked again. “Will that be all?” His shoulders shook even more, probably from Patton’s expression as Anxiety dropped another $20. Anxiety gave Kyle the rest of his order before turning around to face Patton.

Patton sighed, his shoulders dropping slightly. “Is there anything I can do to stop you from tipping?” His face got slightly redder when Anxiety dropped another $20.

Anxiety smirked, tapping the jar with his index finger. He hummed as if he was mulling it over. “Well, there is _one_ thing you could do.”

Patton looked hopeful for a second, before realizing that Anxiety wasn’t going to continue without prompting. He sighed, “What could I do?” He sighed again as Anxiety dropped another $20.

Anxiety got up, making sure that Kyle had a good view as he strolled up to Patton. He lightly grabbed Patton’s chin, tilting his face upwards slightly. “Well, asking questions is what’s making me tip. So if you can find another use for that pretty mouth of yours-” He wasn’t able to continue, mainly because Patton’s lips were now on his.

Virgil pressed forward, deepening the kiss. While acting like Anxiety had been a real confidence booster, he was still scared that he was pushing things too far. And while Anxiety helped Virgil work around his fears, Patton’s lips made all of Virgil’s fears melt away in an instant. Soon, there was no anxiety (or Anxiety). There was no time constraint. There was no worrying. There was only _Patton,_ on his mouth and around his neck and-

_“What the fuck?”_

Patton jumped away with a squeak. Virgil turned to look at Kyle, who was definitely _not_ expecting his boss to kiss Virgil. Virgil strolled over to the cash register, dropping another $20 into the jar. He laughed as he heard Patton groan behind him. He grabbed his tea before turning to face Patton. His face was tomato red and he seemed torn between burying his face in his hands and going to comfort Kyle. Virgil sighed, sipping his tea. “Do you wanna tell him or do you want me to?”

Patton’s face got even redder (if possible) before turning to face Kyle. “Do you remember what I told you about Vee?”

Kyle snorted. “The one guy you’ve had a crush on since October, even though you’ve never seen his face before? You bring him up in almost every conversation.” He seemed oblivious to the way Virgil’s eyebrows shot up, or the way Patton’s blush grew even deeper. “Speaking of which, didn’t you have a date with him last night? And what does Vee have to do with you swapping spit with a stranger?”

Before Patton could die of embarrassment, Virgil intervened. He stuck his hand out in greeting. “Virgil Storm, also known as Vee, at your service.” He almost laughed at the look Kyle gave him. Kyle stared at Virgil, then his hand, then Patton, then Virgil’s hand, then Patton, then Virgil. Before Virgil could say anything else, Kyle had doubled over in laughter. Virgil chuckled, dropping his hand.

It took almost a full minute for Kyle to stop laughing. “Let me get this straight.” Kyle said, wiping away a stray tear.

“Good luck with that.” Both Virgil and Patton said, turning to look at the other fondly.

Kyle snorted. “So the guy you’ve had a crush on for _months_ is also the guy you’ve had a crush on for these past few weeks, and neither of you realized it until just recently?” He laughed at their sheepish expressions. “Oh my gosh. Just so you know, Pat, I’m holding this over you forever.”

Patton sputtered a little before sighing, “Yeah, I deserve that.” He turned to look at Virgil. “ _Now_ can you stop tipping obscene amounts? And don’t think I didn’t see you tipping while Kyle was talking!” Virgil smiled, dropping more money in the jar. Patton groaned.

“C’mon, Pat. Y’know you love me.”

“That doesn’t make this any less annoying.”

Virgil laughed, grabbing the drinks off of the counter. He noticed Patton grabbing another tea and a muffin, probably to give to Virgil later. Virgil smirked, reminding himself to put $20 in Patton’s back pocket later.


	3. The Rug

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AO3 WRITERS READ THIS!
> 
> Don't post between 12 AM and 5 AM UTC. Works posted during this time frame cause AO3 to think that the work has had a posting date set manually. (Normally you would do this by ticking “Set a different publication date” in the posting form.) This also applies to works that were initially saved as a draft on a date previous to the day they are posted. Works that have been backdated are assigned a default time of day, which may be earlier than the actual time you posted the work.
> 
> Better explanation in this Tumblr post: https://jenroses.tumblr.com/post/622497448925052928/important-for-ao3-writers
> 
> I was actually planning on posting this last night since some of you are in a different timezone and I wanted to post it ASAP. It wasn't until I almost posted it that I realized it was currently 1 AM UTC. If I had posted it then, where it appears in order of date updated could have been completely different. This is just a warning for other authors so they don't make the same mistakes that I almost did.

After their chat with Kyle, Virgil brought the drinks out to Patton’s car. Patton, after making sure that everything was going well work-wise, soon followed. Virgil quickly rattled off the address, feeling nervous about the multiple hot drinks in his lap. Patton drove a little slower than normal, and Virgil felt a surge of warmth unrelated to the drinks.  _ He’s so sweet,  _ he thought, blushing slightly. It took longer than expected to reach Janus’ house, but Virgil didn’t really mind.

As turned onto Janus’ street, Virgil spoke before Patton could ask. “It’s the house at the end of the street. Just keep going forward and we’ll hit the driveway.”

Patton gasped. “Janus lives at the Williams Estate? How could he afford it?”

Virgil laughed. “He’s Janus Williams, sole heir of  _ Hydra Hydraulics _ . He’s almost always busy between that and the business front of  _ The Dark Sides.  _ I actually stayed here for a few years before I got my own place.” He turned to look at Patton. He looked… upset? “What’s wrong, Pat?”

Patton jumped slightly. “Nothing’s wrong!” He tensed up before sighing. “It’s just… I know it’s wrong to speak ill of the dead, but there were some…  _ interesting  _ rumors about the late Mr and Mrs Williams.”

Virgil sighed, remembering Janus’ parents. “Whatever rumors you heard, they’re probably true.” They pulled up into the driveway, but Virgil had something else that he needed to say. “Actually, Pat… please do me a favor and  _ don’t  _ mention anyone’s parents? None of us had good parents and we don’t like to bring them up.”

Patton quickly nodded. “Of course! I don’t wanna make any of you uncomfortable!” They got out of the car, making there way up to the front door. “You said you lived here before-” Whatever he was about to say was interrupted by Logan swinging open the front door. His hair was sticking up in all directions, and his tie was nowhere to be seen.

“Oh, thank God,” Logan said as his eyes landed on Virgil. “They’ve all gone  _ insane.” _

Virgil laughed, handing Logan his coffee. He quickly chugged the hot beverage, moaning the second it touched his lips. Virgil had to fight down a blush from the sound.  _ My poor gay heart can’t take this.  _ “So-” Virgil coughed, hoping that neither Logan nor Patton noticed the way his voice cracked. “Where are they now?”

Logan quickly led them to where he last saw them. Virgil took stock of the house as they passed. The rug was missing, along with some of Janus’ philosophy books. The books were soon found in the living room, along with an unconscious Roman on the couch. Once Logan assured them that Roman was fine, he and Patton sat on the loveseat across from him. Virgil attempted to piece together what happened. Janus had most likely let Logan read the philosophy books, effectively distracting the resident nerd. Roman and Remus could both get violent when competitive, and Janus would find no issue in pitting the twins against each other in a ‘friendly competition.’ With Roman out for the count, Janus would just need to distract Remus-

“JANUS WILLIAMS, YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!”  _ I guess Janus failed on that part.  _ Janus was a yellow and black blur as he ran into the living room, jumped over the couch (and a sleeping Roman), and ran into the next room. Just as Janus exited to room, Remus entered, murder in his eyes. Though that’s not what attracted everyone’s attention.

Patton let out a small  _ eep!  _ as he covered his eye, his face bright red. Logan suddenly found one of the philosophy books extremely interesting, a blush slowly creeping down his neck. Virgil sighed, too used to the sight to be embarrassed. “Remus, why are you naked? We have guests here.”

Remus grunted, still obviously upset. “JanJan offered to sex the rug before we get rid of it, and of course I was all for it. But as soon as I was naked, he grabbed the rug and ran! As if that would stop me from chasing him!” He crossed his arms. “Honestly, he should know better.” He looked over at Patton and Logan, noticing how they refused to look at him. He laughed. “What’s wrong, boys? Never seen boobs and a vagina before?”

Virgil butted in, sparing his boyfriends from having to answer. “Remus, go put some clothes on. I’ll go get the damn rug, since obviously none of you can do it without getting distracted.” He saw Remus open his mouth, probably to say something extremely vulgar.  _ “Clothes. NOW.”  _ Virgil growled out. Remus’ mouth shut with an audible  _ click.  _ Remus glanced back at Patton and Logan, who were now staring at Virgil with a look that Remus knew far too well. With one last giggle, Remus went back upstairs. Virgil sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Sorry you guys had to see that, it happens a lot more often than it should.” He looked up at Patton and Logan, who were staring at him. Their faces were red, but Virgil didn’t recognize the expression on their faces. “Are you guys okay?”

Patton actually  _ squeaked,  _ his face getting even redder. “We’re fine, Vee!” He and Logan refused to get up. “We’re just gonna sit here and look after Roman for a bit. Why don’t you go find Janus?”

Virgil stared at them for a moment, watching Patton squirm under his gaze. “Are you sure?”

Logan coughed as he shifted on the loveseat, placing the book in his lap. “We’ll be fine, Virgil.”

Virgil gave them one last look before shrugging. “Alright. Be back soon.” If they said they were fine, Virgil will trust them.

He leisurely made his way through the house, already suspecting where Janus was hiding. He walked down the hallway until he reached the broom closet. Back when Virgil used to live here, he would get anxiety attacks often. Whenever they got too bad, Virgil would seek out a small space to hide in. There was a spot in the broom closet that was Virgil’s favorite hiding spot, and he was pretty sure Janus liked it too, judging by the random items Virgil had found there.

Virgil quietly opened the door and turned on the light. The room was fairly large for a broom closet, with several shelves and multiple large boxes. One of the corners had been extended slightly, so there was a small area unable to be seen from the door. It was like a room inside of a room. Two large boxes hid the entrance, and Virgil noticed a blanket covering something in there.  _ Wait, that’s not a blanket.  _ Virgil smirked, slowly approaching the rug. Judging from Janus’ relaxed posture underneath the rug, he hadn’t realized that Virgil was there. Virgil carefully grabbed the edge of the rug before yanking it off of Janus.

_ Huh.  _ Janus was asleep. Virgil chuckled, folding up the rug on his arm. Janus never got enough sleep. He was so busy, between running  _ Hydra Hydraulics,  _ managing  _ The Dark Side _ ’s legal issues, and taking care of Remus and Virgil. Virgil didn’t know if Janus would even accept a free day to do whatever he wanted, much less what Janus would  _ do.  _ Janus’ parents had planned his entire life out. Taking in Virgil had been the first time Janus did something outside of his parent’s plan. After they died, Janus had all but thrown himself into work. Virgil knew that it made Janus happy, to make decisions for himself, to push himself to be better. But sometimes Virgil wished that Janus would slow down, take some time for himself.

Virgil sighed, gripping the rug tightly. He knew why this rug meant so much to Janus. Remus and Virgil had been the ones to redecorate this house, and even then they didn’t make any drastic changes outside of their bedrooms. This rug was from a random associate that Janus didn’t know the name of. It was atrocious, and his parents would’ve hated it. Janus probably hated it too, judging by the number of times Virgil had caught Janus crushing the bear’s head with his heel. But it would’ve infuriated his parents, so Janus kept it. This had been the first time that Janus had consciously disobeyed his parents after their death.

Virgil nudged Janus with his foot. “Wakey wakey.” He smiled when he saw Janus’ eye twitch. He was awake now, but he was feigning sleep. Probably trying to avoid this conversation. “I know you’re awake, Jay.” Still no response. Virgil sighed, kneeling over to pinch Janus’ arm. He immediately flinched back. “Sorry,” Virgil said, though they both knew it was a lie. Janus didn’t speak, just rubbing his arm in small circles. Virgil sat the rug on one of the boxes before sitting down next to Janus. “You know you shouldn’t do things out of spite. God knows how many times you’ve told Remus that.” Janus huffed, but made no other indication that he’d heard Virgil. “I’m not gonna make you throw away the rug. If you really want it, I’m sure Remus would understand. One disagreement would not be the end of the world. Not to Remus.” Janus pulled his knees up to his chest. “You don’t actually want the rug, do you?” Janus tensed up. Virgil remembered how Janus would sometimes be struck by his parents (it happened rarely. Janus never stepped a toe out of line and verbal abuse left less physical marks for the public to see). Virgil did his best to not flinch in return. “It’s okay to not want something. You know that. What’s  _ not  _ okay is to force yourself to want something.” Virgil got up and put the rug next to Janus. “It’s time to let go.” Virgil left, knowing that Janus needed a moment to himself.

When Virgil returned to the living room, it was different from when he left it. Roman was awake, an icepack on his head. He and Remus- now fully clothed, thankfully- were sitting on the couch, drinking their respective drinks. Patton and Logan were cuddling on the loveseat. The twins seemed to be retelling a story of some sort, each saying a few sentences before letting the other speak. Remus looked up as Roman told his portion. Virgil nodded before moving to sit next to Roman. Virgil leaned into Roman’s open arms as Remus continued the story. “So the brave Knight was clashing swords with the Princess, unaware that the Dragon Witch was right behind him…”

Around half an hour later, Janus appeared, rug in hand. They quickly decided to burn it outside. There was an old fire pit that they never used, not far from the late Williams’ graves. Virgil watched as Janus placed the carefully-folded rug into the pit, and Remus doused the whole thing in lighter fluid. Virgil lit the match before handing it to Janus, leaving him with the choice. He could back out now, and they could clean the rug and take it back in. Or they could move on. Janus stood there for a moment, seeming entranced by the match as he dropped it. As the rug burned, Virgil watched as the flames lit up Janus’ face. He was emotionless, like he always was when dealing with this sort of thing. But his shoulders were less tense, and his back was nowhere near the perfectly-straight posture he strived to keep. Virgil felt the ghost of a smile on his lips as he turned back to the fire. This wasn’t the end, far from it, but it was progress. And that was enough for him.


	4. Confronting the Princes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now that I'm finally starting to get a routine set up, I finally have an uploading schedule! My goal is to upload one chapter in the Useless Gays series and one chapter from another series each week. I would post more, but I'm participating in AU-gust and I want to have most of the prompts completed before August 1st. The first chapter for my new series should be up within the next few days (I need to edit a few parts first). This new series is very angsty with little fluff, so I don't recommend it to those who read this story for the fluff. To those who want Virgil angst, that story will be just for you.  
> I hope you enjoy this chapter!
> 
> One last thing- A portion of this chapter is in the POV of a transphobe, so there will be a time where improper names and pronouns are used for a character.

“Okay, but wouldn't it get a  _ little  _ bit drunk?”

“No. The Carassius auratus would surely suffocate before it could become intoxicated. Besides, the chances of it even ingesting any liquid before dying is slim.”

“Ooh! Would it be like hotboxing, but with death?”

“I am not sure what ‘hotboxing’ means.”

“I’ll have to show you later!”

Virgil sighed as he entered the room. “You’re  _ not  _ getting Logan high.” Remus and Logan were sitting on the couch, debating  _ something _ . Virgil pushed down his jealousy. Debating wasn’t exclusively between Logan and Virgil. Besides, Remus tended to discuss topics that made Virgil…  _ uncomfortable,  _ to say the least.  _ Speaking of which…  _ “Do I  _ want  _ to know what you’re talking about?”

Remus bounced lightly in his seat. “I was wondering what would happen if you put a goldfish in a tank filled with vodka.”

Ah, so a tamer topic this time. Virgil shrugged, heading over to the couch. “Mind if I listen in?” Remus shrugged, and Logan held out his arms. Virgil (a little  _ too  _ eagerly) accepted, moving to sit in his boyfriend’s lap. Logan’s arms moved to wrap around Virgil’s waist as he rested his head on Virgil’s shoulder. Virgil sighed, closing his eyes as they continued their conversation on drunk fish.

As the conversation continued, Virgil allowed his mind to wander. It’s been one month since Virgil confessed to his boyfriends. Not much has happened, surprisingly. Any time Virgil’s boyfriends weren’t busy, they’d all hang out at Janus’ house. Virgil was relieved to see everyone getting along, especially Remus. Remus’ intrusive thoughts and insecurities made him uncomfortable to go out in public alone. Virgil was happy that Remus was developing a positive relationship with Patton, Logan, and especially Roman.

_ Speak of the Devil.  _ Roman suddenly knocked on the door. “I hate to interrupt, but breakfast is ready.” Remus squealed, running to the dining room. Logan and Virgil followed at a more subdued pace. It was currently almost noon, so it was more like brunch than breakfast, but it’s the thought that counts. Today was the 5-year anniversary of Janus and Remus’ relationship, and Janus wanted to celebrate by cooking breakfast for Remus. Considering the fact that Janus has  _ never  _ cooked a single meal in his life, this meant a lot. Janus had spent the entire morning attempting to make something edible with the help of Patton and Roman. Virgil decided to stay out of the kitchen, not wanting his own anxieties and possessiveness of Janus’ kitchen to cause interference.

Everyone took a seat at the dining table as Janus and Patton entered, each with a tray of food. There were buttermilk pancakes, eggs, and bacon. Janus took a seat next to Remus while Patton sat next to Virgil. They ate in relative silence, with the occasional compliment to Janus’ cooking (sure, the bacon was burnt and the pancakes were in multiple pieces, but it was good for Janus’ first attempt). Eventually, everyone finished eating and quietly talked amongst themselves. Logan and Roman were arguing over how to properly eat a pancake. Remus seemed determined to kiss every square inch of Janus’ face, making sure to whisper something in Janus’ ear between every kiss. Virgil and Patton watched quietly, holding hands underneath the table.

_ Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz _

Roman looked at his phone and paled considerably. Logan glanced at the phone and sighed. “Just ignore it, Roman.”

Remus looked up. “Ignore what?” He looked over at the phone and read the contact name. “Why are they calling you!” He looked furious.

Roman huffed, shoving the phone away. “They call me once a month to try and convince me to stop being gay. They constantly call it a ‘phase.’ And according to them, the only reason I’m gay is that I thought it would  _ magically _ bring you back somehow.” If it wasn’t such a serious conversation, Virgil would’ve snorted at the jazz hands Roman sarcastically made at  _ ‘magically.’ _

Remus stared at the phone in silent fury while Janus got out his phone. He entered a number but didn’t hit call, just watching Remus. Virgil watched as Remus turned to look at Janus. Remus bit his knuckle as he looked at the phone. Janus showed him the number and raised and eyebrow. Remus sighed and brought his non-bitten hand to tug at his hair. Janus gently removed the hand from Remus’ hair, rubbing small circles into Remus’ wrist. Remus stared for a few more minutes before sighing. “We’re gonna need time to get ready.”

Janus smiled softly. “I know. I’ll help get everything together.”

Roman sat up, grabbing his phone as it stopped ringing. “Get what together?”

Remus turned to Roman with a shaky smile on his face. “Have you ever been in a limo?”

* * *

Barbara Prince was surprised to hear a knock at the door. Today was both Barbara and her husband’s day off, and the two of them were in the living room. Barbara was dusting the mantel, while John was watching some sports game that Barbara didn’t care about. Barbara hummed a small tune as she set down the cleaning supplies and went to answer the door. She made sure to take her time; if someone wanted to talk to her  _ that  _ badly, they could wait a few minutes.  _ Now, who could it be? Almost everyone is out on vacation right now. _

Barbara Prince did  _ not  _ gasp at the sight of  _ Janus Williams  _ outside her house, thank you very much. Barbara never believed that she’d  _ ever  _ meet such a prestigious (or wealthy) individual. If Barbara wasn’t a faithful wife, she would’ve swooned on sight (never mind how Mr. Williams is several decades younger; after his mother died, Barbara’s sure the man would  _ enjoy _ an older woman in his life).

If Mr. Williams noticed the staring, he didn’t say anything. In fact, all of his attention was turned towards the other man on the porch. The other man was also fairly attractive. He and Mr.Williams were both wearing form-fitting business suits with green and yellow accessories. The man seemed uncomfortable, biting his lip (which only drew attention to his face- or more specifically, his mustache).

Barbara snapped herself out of it, finally noticing that she’d been staring at the two of them for an improperly long amount of time. She gave Mr. Williams her best smile. “Hello. How may I help you fine gentlemen?”

Mustache Man slightly cringed before taking a deep breath. “Hello, Mother.”

Barbara froze for a second. “Roman? Oh, sweety! It’s so good to see you!” She quickly wrapped her arms around him, ignoring the way he tensed up “I see you took my advice, and I’m so proud of you!” She let go of him, only to pinch his cheek. “Look at you, all dressed up for business! And I see you know Mr.Williams.” She turned to look at the man in question, who’s face had stayed neutral the entire time. “I hope my son hasn’t been too much of a handful.” She giggled at the irony, hiding her smile behind her hand. After years of disappointment, one of her children were actually paying off!

Mr.Williams cleared his throat. “I believe we’ve reached a bit of a misunderstanding.” He made a gesture behind him, and Barbara finally noticed the vehicle parked on the street.  _ Is that a limo?!  _ The back door opened, and four men stepped out. The first man Barbara didn’t recognize; he wore a similar outfit with purple accessories. Barbara fought back a sneer at his shaggy purple hair. The next two people took her a moment to recognize; they both wore glasses and their suits each had sky blue or navy blue accessories. Barbara didn’t bother to hide her sneer when she recognized them. Logan Croft and Patton Morale. Roman’s ‘boyfriends.’  _ What are THEY doing here.  _ She smirked.  _ Maybe they’re here to apologize for all the shit they convinced Roman to put me through. I’ll let them grovel and beg for forgiveness.  _ Barbara was so distracted by Croft and Morale, she didn’t even notice the last person until they were already on the porch. 

_ Roman!?  _ Barbara turned to look at not-Roman. The man chuckled nervously, biting his lip again. “It’s been quite a while now, hasn’t it, Mother?”

Barbara found herself freezing again. “Rebecca?”

Rebecca tensed up while the man with purple hair hissed out,  _ “That is NOT his name!” _

John chose  _ that  _ moment to approach the door. “Honey, who’s at the door?”

Rebecca took a deep breath. “I have just come to say a proper goodbye. You never respected my wishes to be a man, and you never respected Roman’s wishes to love who he wants to love. But we are both living happy and successful lives  _ without  _ the two of you. I ask that you never try and contact me or Roman from here on out. Good day.” With that, Rebecca spun on her heel and went to walk away. Mr.Williams touched Rebecca’s elbow and whispered something in her ear. Rebecca nodded once before walking away with Roman and his boyfriends in tow.

Mr.Williams smiled at Barbara and John. It reminded John of the smiles Barbara used to give the gay men who lived down the street. It reminded Barbara of a python, poised to strike. “If I may come inside, there is something that I would like to discuss with you, Mr and Mrs.Prince.”

* * *

Virgil watched from his seat in the limo as Janus was forcibly  _ shoved  _ out of the house, the door slamming shut behind him. Virgil had to physically restrain Remus from getting out of the limo. Janus quickly brushed himself off, muttering something that Virgil couldn’t hear. He quickly made his way back to the limo, giving the simple order to take them home. Whatever he told the Princes, he didn’t share with the rest of them. Virgil watched as Remus and Roman curled up together. The two brothers were uncharacteristically quiet, with Remus rubbing small circles into Roman’s hands.

Roman suddenly grabbed Remus’ right arm. “Do you remember?” The rest of the question went unsaid. Whether because Roman didn’t want to talk much or because it was an obvious memory, Virgil didn’t know.

Remus chuckled softly. “Yeah. We climbed the old oak tree in the backyard. You fell out and I tried to catch you and suddenly my arm broke from under your fat ass.”

Roman nodded. “Do you remember what you said?”

Remus tilted his head. “I said a lot of things that day. I specifically remember that day being the first time cussed that bitch out.” He smiled softly. “But I don’t think that’s what you’re talkin’ about. Can you be more specific, Ro?”

Roman sighed. “You said that we would stick together. That you would never let me fall alone.”

Remus’ smile grew. “Yeah, ‘birds of a feather’ and all that. Why’d ya ask?”

Roman took a deep breath. “Does that still apply now? I know I pushed you away and it’s been so long but-”

Remus pulled Roman in for a hug. “Roman, you are my brother. You mean the  _ world  _ to me. I’m sorry I left you alone. But I  _ promise  _ that we’ll stick together from here on out.” We gave Roman a shaky smile. “Twins forever, right?”

Roman laughed, tears forming in his eyes. “Yeah, twins forever.”


	5. The Storm

Virgil sat on his bed, tapping out a beat with his pencil. He was currently attempting to write the lyrics for their new song, but he kept getting distracted by two things. The first was the heavy rainstorm outside. The rain was pouring outside, and every few minutes a clap of thunder would shake the house slightly. The second distraction was Virgil’s three boyfriends texting each other in the group chat. Apparently both Roman and Patton had a fear of thunder, so they liked to text each other as a distraction from the storm. While Virgil was happy to know that his boyfriends were okay, it was becoming extremely difficult to work.

_L- (6:04 PM) Virgil, please talk to us, I need a non-Disney topic of conversation._

_V- (6:04 PM) You guys do know that I have work to do, right?_

_R- (6:05 PM) Yeah, but it’s not due for another three weeks, right?_

_R- (6:05 PM) That’s plenty of time_

_V- (6:05 PM) I disagree, but ok_

_V- (6:05 PM) What are we talking about?_

_P- (6:05 PM) Puppies!_

_L- (6:06 PM) Patton, for the last time, we are NOT getting a dog_

_L- (6:06 PM) Where would we even house a dog? Our back yard is extremely small, and we barely have enough indoor space for the three of us._

Virgil refrained from texting what he’d been wanting to say for a while. _My house is big enough for the four of us._ They’d been dating for almost two months now, and they spent most of their time together at the trio’s house or Janus’ house. Virgil knew that if he brought up going his house they’d say yes, but he was still nervous for two reasons. First of all, what if they didn’t like Virgil’s house? They seemed to prefer their smaller house when compared to Janus and Remus’ house, so would they dislike how spacious Virgil’s is? Would they be offended by his decorating choices? Virgil had no clue as to how they would react. The second reason was even worse: Virgil didn’t want it to be a one-time visit. Virgil could see different areas of his house be changed to accommodate his boyfriends. He wanted the kitchen to be filled with baking puns and colorful cookware. He wanted the study to have astronomy books arranged in whatever order his boyfriend found acceptable. He wanted one of his near-empty closets to be filled with props and costumes with fond memories. He wanted his too-empty bed to be filled just right with the people he loved. Virgil wanted them to stay, and he wasn’t sure if they were ready for that level of commitment. Hell, Virgil wasn’t sure if HE was ready for that level of commitment.

_Bzzz Bzzz Bzzz_

Virgil frowned as he got a call from Logan. Why would Logan be calling him? They were just texting a few minutes ago. He quickly answered the phone. “What’s up, Lo?”

_“V-Virgil?”_

Virgil got up, any previous thoughts forgotten. “What’s wrong?”

_“The lightning- and the tree- Virgil our house-”_

“Woah, calm down Logan. Everything’s gonna be okay.” Virgil put on his shoes and jacket. “Is everyone okay?”

_“Yes, but the house-”_

“We’ll worry about the house later. You three are more important.” Virgil got ready to call Janus. “Do you wanna go to Janus’ or my place?”

There was a moment of silence on the other end before Logan spoke again, his voice shaky. _“Your house, please.”_

“Alright. I’m gonna call Janus and have him pick you guys up. Pack anything you’ll need for tonight. You guys can stay at my house until you get all of this sorted out.”

_“... Okay. Thank you, Virgil.”_

“No problem. I’ll see you guys soon.” Virgil hung up and called Janus. It took several rings for him to answer.

_“Virgil, as much as I appreciate this, Remus and I are currently occupied-”_

“I need help!” Virgil blurted out, any confidence he’d faked for Logan gone in an instant.

Janus’ tone changed immediately. _“What’s wrong?”_

“I-I think lightning hit a tree or something, but the tree hit their house, and I can’t get to them and-”

 _“Virgil calm down. Deep breaths.”_ Virgil followed his instruction, attempting to forced air back into his lungs. _“Good. Now, I assume we’re talking about your boyfriends. Are you wanting me to go get them?”_

Virgil let out a shaky sigh. “Please. Can you bring them here?”

There was a shuffling sound before Janus was back on the phone. _“Let them know that I’ll be there in less than 10 minutes. I suggest you prep your home for the three of them to stay overnight.”_

Virgil smiled softly. “Thank you, Janus.”

Janus let out a small laugh. _“Anything for you, Virgil.”_

Fifteen minutes later, Virgil’s boyfriends appeared on Virgil’s doorstep. Virgil looked out and was unsurprised to see that Janus had already left. He quickly led them inside, ignoring his current insecurities about his house. He led them towards the guest bedroom, making sure that they had all of the privacy and comfort that they deserved. He went to the kitchen and made some hot chocolate in the kitchen as they changed into their pajamas.

“Virgil?” Virgil swore as the hot liquid burned him as he jumped. He turned around, finding Patton in the doorway to the kitchen. “Why is your room so… empty?”

Virgil blushed as he went back to making the drinks. “That’s actually the guest bedroom. I wasn’t sure if you guys would be comfortable sleeping in my room or even my house for that matter so-” Virgil stopped talking as a pair of arms wrapped around his middle. He felt Patto lay his head between Virgil’s shoulder blades as he talked.

“Virgil, is that why you’ve never offered for us to visit your house?” Virgil nodded, his voice uncooperative. “Sweety, we love you. Not your house or your money. You could live in the world’s tiniest apartment and we wouldn’t mind, as long as it makes _you_ happy. This is _your_ house, not ours. Do what makes _you_ comfortable.”

Virgil tensed up. “And if the three of you staying in my room made me more comfortable?”

Patton sighed. “Well, the three of us are still pretty shaken up, so I think we would be more comfortable staying in your room too.”

Virgil nodded, grabbing two of the mugs. “Alright, then.” Virgil watched as Patton grabbed the other two mugs. “Let’s go tell them of our new sleeping arrangements.”

Later that night, when the four of them were cuddling on Virgil’s bed, Virgil contemplated the day’s events. How just a few hours ago, Virgil had dreamed of moments like this. Now that it was finally happening, Virgil wondered why he’d ever lived without it. He’s known these three for less than a year, yet they already wormed their way into a part of Virgil’s heart that he didn’t know existed. _These three mean the world to me,_ Virgil thought as he closed his eyes. _I’ve always been so afraid of my future. But with Ro, Lo, and Pat by my side…_

_Maybe the future won’t be so bad._


	6. Money? I've got some!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter was so short. I'll make the next chapter longer, I promise

Virgil woke up between his boyfriends. While this wasn’t an uncommon occurrence, it was odd since Virgil doesn’t remember going to their house-

 _Their house!_ Virgil’s eyes snapped open, and he barely resisted the urge to immediately sit up. He went over his memories of yesterday. Logan calling, Janus bringing them here, making hot cocoa and comforting his boyfriends. A lot had happened in just a few hours. Virgil slowly sat up, detangling himself from Patton’s grip on his shirt. He knew if he layed here he’d only wake them up. Virgil carefully made his way off of the bed, smiling as Patton immediately moved to grab Roman, who had been sleeping on Virgil’s other side. Virgil then frowned as he noticed something. _Where’s Logan?_

Virgil quietly made his way through the house, checking each room thoroughly. Maybe Logan didn’t want to sleep with them? He seemed pretty comfortable last night. Maybe he had just woken up early, like Virgil. But where would he have gone? Virgil hadn’t shown them the full house yet, so did he get lost?

He eventually found Logan in the kitchen, hunched over the island in the middle of the room. He was sitting on an old barstool that Virgil forgot he’d owned. He was muttering something to himself as he scribbled on a large notepad. Virgil watched as he continued to write as he used his non-dominant hand to take a sip from his coffee mug. Virgil quietly made his way behind the nerd, waiting until he’d set down the coffee mug to wrap his arms around Logan’s waist. Logan let out an adorable squeak at the unexpected contact, and Virgil chuckled as he layed his chin on Logan’s shoulder. “Whatcha doin’ Starlight?”

Logan’s ears turned pink as he stuttered. “N-nothing.”

Virgil glanced down at the notepad. It was mainly numbers, a few labels and variables scribbled in on the sides. “This looks like a lot of work for ‘nothing.’” Virgil felt Logan tense underneath him. “Logan, what’s wrong?” Logan immediately opened his mouth to say ‘nothing,’ but Virgil beat him to it. “Please don’t lie to me, Starlight.”

Logan sighed. “I called to see how much it would cost to remove the tree and fix the house. The tree had hit the upstairs bathroom, and combined with the rain that got in, the whole house was most likely flooded. I’ve been looking into our current budgets to see how we can afford the damages.” 

Virgil then noticed that the notepad had several pages flipped over. He looked at the used pages and frowned when he saw more of Logan’s tiny handwriting. This notepad was empty yesterday. “Lo, how long have you been awake?”

Logan sighed as he took off his glasses. “Several hours.”

Virgil frowned, bringing his hands up to massage Logan’s neck and upper back. Logan completely melted into the touch. “Starlight, you know I can help pay for it, right?”

Logan made a sound between a whine and a groan as Virgil pressed on a particularly tense spot. “I don’t want t-to waste your money.”

Virgil tutted as he continued massaging. “We both know that’s a lie. Nothing you could ever need or want would be a waste of money.” He kissed the back of Logan’s neck and smiled when he got a small gasp in return. “So how about we work through this together. Is that alright, Starlight?”

“A-alright.” Virgil smirked, moving to sit on the countertop while Logan remained blushing on his stool.

“So, how much does it cost to fix the house?”

“A lot more than we can afford right now. I was planning on getting another loan to pay it off.”

Virgil hummed. “Another?” He took a sip of Logan’s coffee and scrunched up his nose. It was way too bitter for his tastes.

Logan snatched the coffee cup back. “We had to take out three loans in the past. One for my education, one for Patton’s bakery, and one for the house. We’ve fully paid back to one for the house, but we’re still working on the other two.”

Virgil glanced back down at the notepad, trying to understand the tiny numbers that covered the page. “Would it even be worth it to repair the house? That’s a lot of expenses.”

Logan sighed. “It would technically be cheaper to just sell the house and let the new owners repair or demolish it. But we got a really good deal on the house when we initially bought it, and there’s no way we’ll find a good offer anywhere.”

Virgil nodded. “So the only reason you’re not selling it is because you can’t afford to buy a new house?”

Logan sighed again. “Yes.”

Virgil smirked, not really thinking before the words were out of his mouth. “Well, you could always stay here.”

Logan’s eyes went wide. “What?”

Virgil stammered, suddenly realizing what he’d said. “I mean, you don’t have to! I don’t wanna force you or anything. And you can leave when you find a new house, if you want. I just thought- my house is big- and you seemed happy last night so-”

Logan interrupted him. “I thought you didn’t want us living together.”

Virgil gasped. “Of course I want us to live together!”

“But you never invite us over!”

“Because I thought you would hate my house! And I didn’t want it to be a one-night thing like it is at your house!”

“Guys? What’s goin’ on?” Virgil and Logan both turned to see Patton and Roman standing in the entryway. Their hair stood up in several directions and Roman was yawning in the background. Virgil blushed as he realized that his yelling probably woke them up.

“Salutations.” Logan greeted. Virgil couldn’t stop himself from snorting. “I was going over our finances now that our house is damaged. Virgil offered for us to stay here for as long as we wish.”

Patton turned to Virgil. “You don’t have to offer this if you don’t want to, sweetie-”

“But I do!” Virgil blushed as he cut Patton off. “I have for a while now.” He mumbled slightly, wishing he had a rock to crawl under for the next century.

Patton smiled softly. “Alright then. But we’ll find a way to pay you back, alright?”

Virgil smiled back. “You know how well _that_ works, Patton. Or do we need to go get a refresher from Katherine?”

Patton laughed. The sound made Virgil smile more than he had all week. _We’ll find a way through this. Together._


	7. Virgil's habits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Roman, Logan, Patton, and Virgil are all living together, they begin to notice things about their favorite emo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It felt odd writing this chapter, mainly because it's the first chapter in this series (beyond prequel chapters) to have no Virgil POV. Let me know what you think about it!

Logan prided himself on his observation skills. He’s always been one to think before he acts, and it’s helped him in multiple instances. Not only is he able to notice things that others don’t, but he’s also able to easily blend into the background. Not a useful trait if he wants to be heard, but useful in situations such as this one.

Logan and his two boyfriends had been staying in Virgil’s house for a total of 23 days. Over these 23 days, Logan’s adjusted to living in a different house while also having Virgil as a more constant presence. While he’s fully acknowledged and accepted the fact that he’s never moving back to his previous home, there are still some instances where he acts on a habit that is no longer possible. One such habit is the coffee machine. At their previous home, the coffee sat in the other side of the kitchen, on the other end of the fridge. At Virgil’s house, the coffee is less than a foot away from the door. Almost every morning, Logan will accidentally pass by the coffee machine in his sleep-filled haze.

Logan was beginning to realize that Virgil had not fully adapted either. While Virgil hadn’t moved locations, he wasn’t used to anyone else living in his home. Sometimes Virgil would walk into a room and jump when one of his boyfriends spoke up.

Virgil also seemed to have a few habits that he didn’t share with his boyfriends. Logan’s theory was that Virgil saw these habits as ‘odd’ so he only showcased them when he assumed he was alone. However, since Logan was observant and Virgil was still running on old habits, there were times when Virgil would do something extremely random that he’d never shown interest or ability in before.

Such as climbing things that shouldn’t be climbed.

Logan had been sitting in the living room, rereading one of his favorite books. Patton and Roman were both out, and Virgil had just gotten home. Due to the more-open layout of Virgil’s house, Logan could see both the kitchen and the staircase from where he was seated. He heard Virgil sigh and set down his book, ready for Virgil to come into the living room and ask for a massage or cuddles. Instead, Virgil went into the kitchen. Logan then watched as Virgil went from standing on the ground to crouching on top of the fridge within seconds. Logan was shocked into silence as Virgil crouched on the edge of the fridge. He opened up the cabinets that were above the fridge (Logan had assumed those were unopenable and only for decoration) and grabbed what appeared to be a bag of marshmallows. He then jumped off of the fridge, not even giving himself a moment of reprieve as he started walking towards the stairs. The stairs started on the other end of the hallway, so most people would walk towards the end of the hallway before heading up the staircase.

Logan is starting to learn that Virgil isn’t most people.

Directly outside of the kitchen was the same barstool that Logan had used on his first morning here to sit down in the kitchen. Every time the barstool was used, it always made its way back to that exact same spot. Logan had assumed Virgil was just uncomfortable with change. Apparently, the stool had a purpose there. Virgil quickly maneuvered himself to where he was on top of the barstool before he _jumped._ Logan held his breath as Virgil grabbed the edge of one of the stairs and pulled himself up over the railing. Logan heard the _stomp_ of Virgil’s feet hitting the stairs before he immediately headed towards his bedroom. Logan sat there for several minutes attempting to control his racing heartbeat before he realized something that just made his heart beat faster.

_He was still carrying the marshmallows in his left hand. Virgil had climbed up the stairs with one hand._

* * *

Roman hummed Disney songs under his breath as he entered the house. It’s been around a month since they first started staying with Virgil and everything had been running smoothly. Everyone had been busy today so Roman couldn’t wait to see his boyfriends. Logan had classes today, Patton was at the bakery, and Virgil was recording a new song with Janus and Remus. Roman was supposed to be busy all day at the theatre, but half of the cast had called in sick with the flu so he was let off early.

As Roman stepped into the house he was surprised to hear what sounded like singing coming from upstairs. _I guess I’m not the only one home early._ He made his way upstairs and noticed that the bathroom door was open. Roman then both heard the shower running and recognized the singing voice.

_I didn’t know that Virgil sings in the shower._

Sure, Roman had heard Virgil sing before (he’s been to Virgil’s concerts), but he’d always sing original songs. Virgil was currently singing a song that Roman found all too familiar.

_“So this is love, hmm_

_So this is love_

_So this is what makes life divine_

_I'm all aglow, hmm_

_And now I know_

_The key to all heaven is mine”_

Roman was starstruck as he listened to Virgil sing. Now only because of Virgil singing a romantic Disney song, but also because of Virgil’s _voice._ Most of Virgil’s songs are loud and wild, every note feeling like a shot of adrenaline in Roman’s veins. Right now, though…

Virgil sounded like an _angel._ He was singing softly, with every minor crescendo sending Roman on a rollercoaster of emotions. By the tone of his voice, he didn’t seem to be focusing on the words. He sounded so _relaxed_ and _happy_ and _in love_. It made Roman’s romantic heart flutter in a way that took his breath away.

Roman then heard the shower turn off. He quickly and quietly made his way back downstairs, then reopened and closed the front door with a little more force than necessary. “I’m home!” Roman shouted, as if he hadn’t shown up five minutes ago.

“Hey Ro! You're home early.” Virgil called from upstairs. Roman smiled to himself as he went to join his boyfriend. If Virgil didn’t want to show off his singing talents, then Roman wouldn’t press him.

But there was _no way_ that Roman was going to tell Virgil that he’d heard him singing in the shower. If he did that, Virgil would probably stop doing it, even when he thought he was alone. And Roman was not risking that.

* * *

Patton noticed things differently than Logan or Roman did. While they noticed things that Virgil did when he thought no one was around, Patton noticed the exact opposite. He noticed when Virgil stopped himself from doing something. He’d notice the way that Virgil would grip the pen cap between his fingers instead of biting it, because Logan once called it unsanitary. He noticed how Virgil’s fingers would twitch every time he wanted to hold someone’s hand but was too anxious to ask. He noticed a lot of things, really.

Which is why he was confused right now.

Virgil would sometimes come home more stressed than usual, which was fine. But what he did afterward confused Patton. Most people had a form of destressing that they preferred over others. Roman liked to talk and yell. Logan liked to write out numbers and equations until his fingers cramped. Patton liked to stress-bake. But Virgil didn’t do anything.

That didn’t mean that Virgil didn’t have a preference when it came to destressing. In fact, Virgil’s behavior showed the opposite. Virgil would walk into the house, take off his shoes and jacket, walk into the living room, then see Patton and stop whatever he was about to do. Which worried Patton. As long as Virgil’s destressing method wasn’t harmful to himself or others, there shouldn’t be a problem with it. Was his method too personal, like getting naked? Patton doubted that. Virgil had never seemed like someone who would take comfort in something so personal, especially since he was so attached to Remus and Janus. Maybe he was just embarrassed about being vulnerable in front of the others? Maybe, but then he wouldn’t admit that he’d stressed in the first place, would he?

Patton shook his head. There was no time to dwell on that now. Now, Patton was going to ask. 

The day started out like normal. Virgil came home from visiting Janus and Remus, took off his shoes and jacket, and walked into the living room. He spotted Patton, stopped what he was doing, and went over to cuddle with Patton.

After about 10 minutes of cuddling, Patton asked about what had been on his mind for a while. “Vee? How do you normally relax?”

Patton felt Virgil stiffen up. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Patton sighed. “Sweety, every time you’re stressed, you come in here to relax and you stop because you see me. I want you to be comfortable in your own house. So, how do you normally relax?”

Virgil blushed, burying his head into Patton’s shoulder. “It’s weird.”

Patton snorted. “You’ve seen me talk to the oven when I’m stressed. I promise I won’t judge you for how you destress. I might even join you, if that’s okay?”

Virgil thought about it for a few minutes before nodding. “Alright. But promise me you won’t do it just because I’m doing it?”

Patton smiled. “I promise.”

Virgil got up. “Alright then, it’s pretty easy to explain. Just lay in the floor in a position you’re comfortable in.”

Patton nodded, moving to lie on his back. Virgil was on his stomach. “Okay, now what?”

Virgil grunted. “Now, we floor.”

Patton blinked. _“What?”_

“We are now the floor. No need to think, or feel, or move, or anything. Only floor.”

Patton shrugged. “Alright. How long do we do this?”

Virgil grunted. “Until we feel the need to get up. I’ve floored for hours before. Now, it’s time to stop talking. Stop thinking. Stop feeling. Just floor.”

‘Flooring’ as Virgil put it was… interesting. Patton liked to think and feel a lot, so it was difficult for him to catch on at first, but he understood why Virgil liked it. No expectations, no actions, no repercussions. Just existing. It wasn’t something that Patton would do when he’s already stressed, but he could see the appeal to it.

Virgil now tended to floor any time he was stress, regardless if anyone was home at the time. Patton just told Logan and Roman to leave him be if they saw Virgil laying on the floor. Virgil tended to ‘floor’ best with minimal or repeating sounds, so Patton would knit or sew while Virgil was ‘flooring.’

And if Patton pulled a blanket over Virgil in the few instances where he fell asleep flooring? Well, that was Patton and Virgil’s secret, wasn’t it?


	8. Interrogations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus doesn’t get a lot of time to be alone with Virgil’s boyfriends, but it’s those few moments that truly count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This took a little bit longer than expected, but I also didn't expect to write 2,000 words for Patton's section alone. This is the longest chapter I have ever written, being over 4,000 words. I hope you enjoy it :)

Janus Williams was a busy man. He was the CEO of  _ Hydra Hydraulics,  _ and even with Thomas as their manager, Janus made sure to have a say in the financial and legal dealings of  _ The Dark Sides.  _ When he wasn’t working, Janus was spending time with Remus and/or Virgil. Because of this, Janus didn’t have many personal hobbies, nor did he have enough time to properly interrogate Virgil’s boyfriends. Even though the four of them had been living together for over a month (and dating for 3), Janus still did not fully trust the three men who claimed to love Virgil. Sure, his suspicions had significantly lessened since he first spoke to Logan all of those months ago. But if there was one thing that Janus learned from his parents, it was that people can have multiple faces, some of which they’re not even aware of possessing. Janus frequently flipped through multiple faces like they were simple party masks. He was harsh and unyielding when dealing with  _ Hydra Hydraulics.  _ He was sly and mysterious when playing as  _ Deceit.  _ He was sarcastic yet caring when interacting with Virgil and Remus. He was vulnerable and completely head-over-heels when he kissed Remus behind closed doors.

Janus knew about people being two-faced or even three-faces (hell, Janus himself was four-faced), and he suspected that Virgil’s boyfriends weren’t all that they seemed. There had to be  _ something  _ that he didn’t know. And Janus was going to find out what it was.

And if those faces had the potential to hurt Virgil? 

Well, Mother and Father taught him to always have a fifth face, just in case.

* * *

Janus sighed as he changed out of his suit. He’d spent the past few hours dealing with stupid employees, and right now he wanted nothing more than to relax and watch some shitty romcoms. Normally he’d watch them with Remus and Virgil, but both of them were busy. Remus was doing  _ something  _ with Roman (some sort of spa day?) and Virgil was spending the day with Logan and Patton.

Just as Janus sat down with his snake-themed pajamas and face mask (because self-care is necessary) his phone went off. Janus sighed, expecting it to be one of the supervisors with a stupid question. He blinked when he saw the caller ID.

_ Patton Morale _

Even though Janus had given Virgil’s boyfriends his number (in case there’s an emergency) he didn’t actually expect Patton to text him. Janus quickly unlocked his phone and read the text.

_ P- (3:46 PM) Hey, Janus! Are you busy right now? _

_ P- (3:46 PM) You don’t have to respond if you’re busy! I was just wondering _

Janus frowned at the texts. This sounded nothing like Patton’s happy, quirky self. He sounded like Virgil back before he’d gotten close to Janus. While he was mainly sarcastic and rude, there were times where he was really anxious and vulnerable. Janus decided to answer truthfully.

_ J- (3:47 PM) I am doing nothing important at the moment. What do you need? _

_ P- (3:47 PM) Oh, I was just wondering if you wanted to bake some cupcakes today. I know how happy you were when you made breakfast for Remus, and I thought baking would be fun! _

_ J- (3:47 PM) Would you prefer to do this at my house or Virgil’s? While I have a bigger kitchen and better cooking supplies, I don’t believe I have most of the ingredients. _

_ P- (3:48 PM) Your house is fine! I’ll bring the ingredients over _

_ J- (3:48 PM) Then I will see you when you arrive _

Janus sighed as he turned off the TV. He then went upstairs to change into something more presentable. Sure, he was skipping his self-care day, but this was the perfect opportunity to learn more about Patton.

Fifteen minutes later, Patton stood in his doorway, multiple bags of ingredients in each hand. “I thought we could try different types of cupcakes,” Patton explained as Janus took a few bags to carry. “I have the ingredients for vanilla, chocolate, and red velvet. Plus, I thought we could make some homemade frosting!”

When they prepared the first batch of cupcakes (vanilla), Janus was silent as Patton led him through each step. When they got those in the oven, they decided to prepare the chocolate cupcake batter next. Janus didn’t notice any major changes in Patton’s behavior until they put the chocolate cupcakes in the oven and let the vanilla cupcakes cool. Janus made the red velvet batter on his own while Patton made the icing for the vanilla cupcakes. Patton had started humming a tune under his breath as he stirred the icing. It took Janus a moment to realize that he was humming the tune of  _ Lies,  _ one of Janus’ songs. Janus had to admit, Patton was good at humming the lyrics. Patton hit all of the muffled notes, and even paused for the right amount of time instead of skipping it. Janus smiled as he hummed along, making sure to keep his voice low. It took a few minutes for Patton to realize that he was duetting.

Patton yelped as he dropped his spoon. “Sorry, I didn’t even realize I was humming! That must’ve been really annoying. I’m sorry, I’ll stop rambling now.”

Janus frowned. “Patton, you weren’t annoying me. I was humming along. I’m a rock star, it was flattering to hear you hum my song. And you have a lovely voice.”

Patton blushed, but there was something else in his eyes. “T-thanks.” He turned back to the icing, and Janus let it go.

There were several instances after that where Patton would move to do something fun or silly and stop halfway through. He would hum the first few words of a song before going dead silent. He would move as if to twirl or do a grand hand gesture before stopping abruptly. He would open his mouth to (Janus assumed) give a cheesy pun, but no sound would come out. Every time, Janus would let it slide. He assumed that Patton was still embarrassed over the humming incident.

But the final nail in the coffin came when Patton went to get the chocolate cupcakes out and caught his arm in the oven. He yelped and Janus immediately ran over to reopen the oven. Patton quickly pulled his arm out, still gripping the cupcake tray. He sat the tray down on the stove while Janus moved to check his injuries. Patton immediately shied away. “I’m fine, just clumsy ol’ Patton!” He started mumbling to himself. “Stupid, clumsy Patton.”

Janus grabbed Patton’s wrist, forcing him to face Janus. Janus turned off the oven before leading Patton to the nearest bathroom, where he knew a medkit was. He knew enough about burn injuries from the few times Virgil or Remus would burn themselves. Patton had a nasty looking burn along his forearm, which Janus treated to the best of his ability. After a few minutes, Janus spoke up. “What’s wrong? Besides the burn, of course.”

Patton stared for a moment before smiling. “Nothing’s wrong, silly! Why would anything be wrong?” Janus could practically taste the lie.

“You’ve been acting odd all day. Did something happen?”

Patton shook his head. “No! Nothing’s happened. I promise.” Janus frowned but conceded, refocusing on the bandages. Patton seemed to be telling the truth, but Janus would talk to Virgil about it, just in case.

Later, Janus and Patton were icing the chocolate cupcakes. They had decided not to make the red velvet cupcakes, and the batter was sitting in the fridge. Patton was silent as he meticulously iced each cupcake. Janus was sneaking glances every few minutes, trying to figure out if the silence was from their earlier conversation or if Patton was naturally silent when he iced cupcakes.

Patton’s hands suddenly shook a little, and Janus watched as he made an uneven pattern on the cupcake. Nobody would even notice or care, but it seemed to make Patton’s shaking worse. “S-sorry.” Patton stuttered out, and Janus suddenly realized that Patton was crying.

Janus carefully grabbed Patton’s chin with two fingers and forced him to face Janus. Patton’s eyes remained glued to his hands. “Patton, please look at me.” It took a moment, but Patton slowly looked up into Janus’ eyes, and his entire body started shaking. “Patton, tell me what’s wrong.”

Patton took a shaky breath. “I-I’m fine, really.” When Janus didn’t let go of his chin, Patton caved in. “It’s just… some days there’s a not-so-nice voice in my head. I’ve always had it, and I don’t like being alone when the voice gets loud. Usually, I’ll have one of the others there to keep me company. But Ro’s spending time with Ree, and Lo is on a date with Virgil. I thought I could spend the day with you, but all I’ve done is make you worry and I’m so sorry you have to deal with me-”

Janus tightened his grip on Patton’s chin, and Patton stopped talking. Janus took a moment to collect his thoughts before speaking. “I… have a not-so-nice voice as well.” Patton’s eyes widened, and Janus took that as a sign to continue. “My parents weren’t good people. It took a lot of convincing on Virgil’s part for me to realize that they were hurting me. Not physically, but mentally and emotionally. Some days I hear a voice telling me that they were right. It tells me that I’m worthless, and it tells me to do things that I know I shouldn’t do. On the days around my birthday they get really loud, and I can’t hear anything else. Remus and Virgil have to keep a constant eye on me or I’ll do something I’ll regret. That’s how I got this scar.” Patton’s eyes immediately go to the scar on Janus’ face. “I had just wanted the voices to be quiet, but they only got louder-”

“But you have a reason to have voices!” Janus looked back at Patton, who was still crying. “You were hurt! I wasn’t! My voice has always been there, and I’ve never had anything really bad happen to me. I have three amazing boyfriends and the job of my dreams! I don’t have a reason to feel like this! I’m just weak and stupid-”

“Stop.” Patton’s mouth snapped shut. “Just because you don’t have any trauma, does not mean that your voices are any less important than mine. They’re still there, and you came to me because you knew you shouldn’t be alone with just the voice. And the fact that you trusted me enough to come to me and tell me this… It means you're very brave, Patton. And I am honored that you trust me like that. And if you ever need me to help distract you from those thoughts, or if you just want to hang out, don’t be afraid to reach out.” He carefully took the icing bag from Patton’s shaky hands. “Now, why don’t we leave these here for a moment? I’ve found that making fun of shitty romcoms can really cheer people up.”

Patton nodded, tears still streaming down his face. “That sounds like fun.”

They entered the living room, and Janus suddenly realized that their clothes were covered in flour and other baking ingredients. “Come with me.” He led Patton upstairs and past his own room to another door. “This used to be Virgil’s room before he moved out, but he keeps a few sets of clothes in here for when he stays over.”

Patton frowned. “Janus, I’m quite a bit…  _ wider  _ than Virgil.” He blushed as he half-heartedly gestured to his own body.

Janus smiled softly. “There’s nothing wrong with that. And besides, Virgil prefers looser clothing, so I’m sure the clothes in here will fit you. Plus, I’m sure Virgil would appreciate seeing you in his clothes.” He saw Patton blush harder and smirked. He opened one of the drawers and picked out a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants. “Put these on, and be careful of your bandages. I’ll change in my room, and we’ll meet downstairs. We’ll watch romcoms and give each other facials while we eat cupcakes. Does that sound reasonable?” Patton nodded. “Good, I’ll see you then.”

As Janus put on his snake pajamas for the second time that day, he contemplated the man in the other room. Janus had been afraid that Patton was secretly manipulative behind his caring persona, but he couldn’t have been further from the truth. Because under the face of bubbly joy and compassion, Patton was an injured soul, just like Janus.

* * *

_ Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz. _

Janus looked up from his philosophy book to look at Logan, who was reading a similar philosophy book. The two of them were alone in Janus’ library. Patton and Roman were both working, and Remus had dragged Virgil to some event going on downtown. Janus and Logan had no new information to share (*cough* gossip *cough*) so the two of them were enjoying each other’s company while reading. However, Logan’s phone had just started vibrating. Janus watched from the corner of his eye as Logan read the texts with a small smile on his face before answering.

“Did one of your boyfriends just text you?” Logan jumped slightly, apparently forgetting that Janus was in the room. He shook his head.

“No, it was just Sam. They’re my friend and classmate. I’m sure you’ve heard of Patton’s employee Katherine?” Janus nodded, remembering the stories that Virgil would tell about his interactions with Patton and Katherine (or Kyle, depending on the day). “The two of them have been in a romantic relationship for several years. Sam was just asking me for my opinion on where their next date should take place. They tend to overthink things a lot, and it can be amusing to read their mile-long text about how much they want this to be perfect for Katherine.”

Janus nodded before realizing something. “You said that Sam is also your classmate? I know you go to the local college, but what are you studying?”

Logan blushed. “Astronomy, along with a few classes in public speech and teaching. I wish to work at the local planetarium.”

Janus frowned. “You’re taking those classes, plus you bought a house and Patton’s bakery?”

Logan nodded. “We’ve taken out several large loans over the years. We’ve paid off the house loan and most of the loan for Patton’s bakery, but we’re still paying off the loans for my schooling.” He turned back to the book, and Janus blinked in surprise.

“You do know that we would help you pay for those loans, correct?”

Logan stared for a moment. “But they’re my loans. It’s my responsibility to pay them off. And ever since we started living with Virgil and no longer have to pay for housing, we’ve had more money saved up to pay them off.”

Janus’ eyebrows furrowed. “You deal with the finances too? I assumed that was something Patton dealt with.”

Logan shook his head. “I deal with all of our budgets and our daily schedules. The others tend to forget how much money or energy they are spending, so I have to be the one to ‘reel them in.’”

Janus pressed on. “Along with your college education and your job at the library? How do you have time for anything?” He knew he was a hypocrite for saying this, but Janus needed to know. Was Logan some sort of perfectionist, who needed to be in control of everything? Or maybe he didn’t actually do half of this, and he was lying? No, he couldn’t be lying. Janus was pretty good at telling when someone was lying, and Logan seemed pretty truthful.

Logan sighed. “In all honesty, I don’t. Every moment of my day is mapped out to make life easier for me and my partners. Today was supposed to be used to spend time with Virgil, but I understand he hasn’t had any personal time with Remus lately. Still, their planning was so sudden that I now have nothing to do for the next few hours, and it makes me feel… inadequate.”

Janus nodded, finally understanding. “You feel as though you must use your actions to prove your worth as a person and boyfriend. And when there is no action to be performed, you feel as though you failed. That’s why you keep yourself busy.” Logan nodded, and Janus sighed. “I keep myself busy for a similar reason. I do so to prove that I am more than what I was taught to be. I am a CEO, and a singer, and a friend, and a boyfriend. Not just a conniving snake or a whiny brat. I have a purpose, and I sometimes feel inadequacy when I’m not actively fulfilling it.” He set down his philosophy book, having lost the intention of continuing. “But Logan, you don’t need to spend every moment of your life proving yourself. I know for a fact that you could ask for just about anything, and Virgil would bend over backwards to make it happen. Because he loves you for  _ you,  _ not for your actions or your purpose. He loves you for your intelligence, and your love of sweets, and your desire to debate. He loves the way you scrunch your nose when he says or does something odd. He loves the fond exasperation you have every time he or Patton or Roman show grand displays of affection.”

Logan blinked, his mouth hanging open slightly. “He… does?”

Janus nodded. “Yes, he does. He tells me this almost every day. Every moment he’s not with you three, he’s thinking about you. He’ll go on for hours about how much the three of you mean to him. And Logan,” Logan blinked again. “Just because you like to be busy, doesn’t mean that you can’t rely on others. Physically, mentally, emotionally or financially. Virgil will do anything for you, and I’m willing to pull a few strings for someone who can make Virgil smile as bright as he has been over the past year.” Was Janus being a hypocrite about asking for help? Yes. Did Logan know this? Maybe, Janus couldn’t tell. But it didn’t really matter at the moment, as the two of them shared a smile before turning back to their books. Janus was happy to note that Logan’s posture was much more relaxed, and he seemed more interested in the book.

Janus smiled as he read his book. He had feared that Logan was cold and controlling. But behind his face of diligence and intelligence, Logan was a tired soul, just like Janus.

* * *

“Roman, please tell me those swords aren’t real.”

Roman scoffed, twirling one of the swords in his hand. “No, but they’re authentic enough to be fun to spar with. So, do you wanna spar?”

Janus stared at the swords in Roman’s hands. They looked like fencing swords, with white and black hilts respectively. “And why do you wish to fence with me?” Roman had specifically asked Janus to meet him at Virgil’s house for this. He was the only one home at the time, so it was just the two of them in the backyard.

Roman sighed. “Because no one else would say yes and if I asked Remus he would find a way to turn it into a fight to the near-death.” He smirked. “Besides, imagine how hot you would look to Remus if you could fight with a sword.”

Janus sighed, taking off his coat and hat. “You’re not going to let me say no, are you?”

Roman smiled as he handed over one of the swords. “Nope! Now, here’s what you’ve gotta do.” Roman talked Janus through the proper stances and how to hold his sword.

After a few minutes of practicing, Janus asked the question that had been on his mind for a while. “Roman, where did you find these swords? And how do you know how to fence?”

Roman shrugged. “Since I’m friends with the owner, I’m allowed to keep a lot of the props from our plays. We just finished one that included a fencing scene. The other actress and I were given lessons on how to fence so we wouldn’t hurt ourselves.” He laughed, and Janus suddenly felt a chill go down his spine. “And now that I’ve given you equal footing.” He began moving his sword with much more speed and precision, and Janus struggled to block. Even though Janus knew that the sword couldn’t harm him too badly, seeing Roman like this made Janus’ defences kick into overdrive. “Now is the perfect time to ask about your intentions with my brother.”

Janus struggled to even comprehend the question as he blocked the blows. “What?”

Roman laughed again, letting up for a moment. “You heard what I said. What are your intentions with my brother?”

Janus huffed. “What are your intentions with Virgil?”

Roman smiled as he continued striking with his sword. “My goal is to make my boyfriends feel just as much love as they make me feel. If they ever feel like my love for them is waning or falsified, then I have failed.” He put all of his force into the next swing, and Janus could no longer hold onto his own sword as it was knocked out of his hand. “But you dodged the question. What are your intentions with my brother?”

Janus then realized something. “You’re his next of kin.”

Roman frowned tilting his head. “Yes? What does that have to do with your intentions?”

Janus sighed, nearly slouching with relief. “My family has always been a stickler for traditions. While most of those traditions are homophobic or mysogynistic, there are a few that still mean a lot to me. One of them is getting permission from parents. All of my family is dead, so I only needed permission on Remus’ side. I told his parents of my intentions, but I was unable to get their permission. I’ve been spending the past few weeks wondering what I would do since I didn’t have their permission, but the two of you essentially disowned your parents. So naturally, permission would go to next of kin-”

“Janus!” Janus’ eyes snapped to meet Roman’s, and Janus suddenly realized that he was hyperventilating. “Look at me. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. Match my breathing.” Janus forced himself to calm as he matched Roman’s breathing. Why was he so nervous? He had been completely calm and collected when talking to Mr and Mrs Prince. So why was this so much more special?

_ Because Remus cares about Roman. Virgil cares about Roman. Roman had the ability to take away everyone that Janus had. _

“Janus, look at me.” Janus tried to focus on Roman’s voice. “I know you’d never intentionally hurt my brother. Whatever you’re trying to say, I’m sure it’ll be fine. Just calm down, collect your thoughts, and let it out.”

Janus did just that. He took a deep breath, collected his thoughts, and let it out. “I’m asking for permission to marry your brother.” There was silence. Janus tried to figure out what Roman was thinking, but his face was impassive. “Roman?”

“Does Remus know?”

Janus swallowed before shaking his head. “No, Remus doesn’t know. I’ve been worrying myself out of my mind for a while now. Besides, the four of you have provided enough chaos over the past few months. I wanted to wait until things calmed down before proposing.”

Roman pressed the tip of the sword to Janus’ neck. “If you so much as think about hurting Remus, I will make you suffer a pain worse than death. I just got my brother back, and I’m not losing him to anyone.”

Janus closed his eyes. “If I ever hurt Remus in any way, I would wish for nothing more than to suffer for eternity.”

There was a moment of silence before the sword was removed. A hand was put on Janus’ shoulders and he suppressed a flinch. “I trust you.”

Janus’ eyes snapped open to meet Roman’s. His face showed nothing but compassion, a big difference from Janus’ shock. “What?”

Roman smiled. “You say you never wish to harm Remus, and I trust you. You have my blessing.” He leaned down and picked up Janus’ sword from the ground. “Would you like a rematch? And perhaps some assistance in proposing?”

Janus gave a shaky smile, accepting the sword. “Yes, to both.”

Janus smiled as he clashed swords with his future fiance’s brother. Janus had assumed that he was aggressive, like he’d shown himself to be in other instances. But behind the face of cockiness and pride, Roman was a protective soul, just like Janus.


	9. Secret Secrets Are No Fun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Roman have been acting odd all day, and Remus is pretty sure of what's going on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, this chapter has a few warnings.  
> \- Self-deprecating inner monologue  
> \- Gender Dysphoria  
> \- Implied Sex  
> \- Implied Cheating  
> \- And all of this is in Remus' POV, so expect some less-than-okay ideas

Remus let out a yawn as he woke up, doing his best attempt of a stretch while still laying down. He didn’t bother opening his eyes yet, knowing what he would see. He’ll be wearing boxers and an old t-shirt, one light sheet draped over him (just like he likes it). If he rolls around, he’ll find a mound of comforters with his sexy boyfriend snuggled under them because he gets cold at night-

Remus’ eyes popped open as he felt for the mound of comforters. The other side of the bed was empty, the comforters all folded neatly in a pile next to the bed. Remus frowned. Janus was never an early riser, always waking up after Remus and not taking the time to clean up until he’s had at least one cup of coffee. Remus reached over to grab his phone and frowned at the time.  _ It’s not even 6:30. Why is he up so early? _

Remus shrugged, plastering a smile on his face as he got up. He didn’t bother with changing as he skipped out of the room. Actually, he was tempted to wear his birthday suit this morning. Maybe he could get some nice morning sex before Janny left for work.

Remus made it about halfway down the stairs before his thoughts were hit by a semi-truck, smattering into a dozen squishy pieces. Remus crouched on the step, his ears straining to listen-

_ Laughter? _

Remus crept his way towards the dining room, frowning in confusion. Virgil wasn’t supposed to come over today, and why didn’t they wake Remus up first?  _ Maybe they’ve finally realized how much of a waste of space I am!  _ Remus shook his head, shaking away the thought. It’s been so many years since Remus last felt truly abandoned, and the thoughts still won’t go away. Which was fine! Most of Remus’ intrusive thoughts were fun to listen to. But sometimes they were just annoying. Especially when they made Remus feel so icky, even though he knew they weren’t true-

“And you’re sure Remus won’t suspect anything?”

Remus stopped just outside of the door, his blood turning to ice as he heard Janus whisper.  _ I won’t suspect what?  _ There was a chuckle, and Remus felt confusion lace into his fear and shock.  _ Why is Roman here? He never comes over unless he’s hanging out with me or Virgil. And when did he get so close with Janus? They almost never hang out together. _

“Of course he won’t, my Sassy Serpentine. Don’t you trust me?”

Remus frowned at the nickname.  _ MY Sassy Serpentine? That sounds a lot like the nicknames he gives to his boyfriends.  _

Janus sighed. “Yes, but I would be much more comfortable if we did this somewhere where he couldn’t walk in on us.”  _ Exhibitionism!  _ Remus forced away the thought, focusing on what Janus was saying. “Roman, we’ve been prepping for  _ hours.  _ How much longer do you need?”

Remus was unable to keep the less-than-savory thoughts out of his head as Roman chuckled. “Just a little longer. We want things to go as  _ smooth _ as possible, right?” There was a brief period of silence, and Remus’ mind went wild at the possibilities. “Just wait until tonight, and I promise it’ll be worth it.”

Remus shook his head, knocking on the door. He heard a muffled  _ “Shit!”  _ and the sound of things being shoved around before he opened the door. Janus and Roman were in the middle of the dining room, Roman sitting on the table. A large satchel sat next to Roman, with something wet smeared on the side. Remus’ mind was flooded with possibilities, but he kept his face carefully blank. “Watcha doin?”

Roman cleared his throat, his face flushed in embarrassment. “Nothing, Ree! I just needed to talk to Janus, that’s all!”

Remus nodded, keeping a smile on. That was the one and only good thing he saw out of being in the closet for so long. He could lie better than Janus when he put some effort into it. “Well, what’s in the bag?”

Roman immediately pushed the bag behind him and out of Remus’ line of sight. “There’s nothing in the bag! Just some old scripts from our latest production, nothing worth looking at.” Janus stayed carefully silent, finding his own nails incredibly interesting.

Remus eyed the two of them for a moment. “...right. Well, I won’t stop you from having your ‘conversation.’ I’m just gonna go get some breakfast.”

Roman suddenly grabbed the bag and jumped off of the table. “Actually, our conversation’s over now. I’m gonna go now. Don’t wanna be late for work, after all.” He hurried out of the dining room, not sparing Remus a glance. “Bye Janus, bye Ree! I’ll talk to you soon!”

Remus blinked in confusion as he watched Roman leave.  _ Well, he’s certainly acting suspiciously.  _ He turned back to Janus, who was still fixated on his nails. “Well, do you wanna have some fun? We can continue from where we left off last night!”

Janus coughed. “I should- ehm, probably get going now. Don’t want to be late for work, after all.”

Remus tried his best to not visibly deflate. “Oh, alrighty then.”

Janus smiled, reaching over to cup Remus’ cheek. Remus leaned into the touch, but was surprised to feel a smooch against his forehead rather than his lips. “I’ll see you tonight, darling.”

Remus absentmindedly nodded, still slightly dazed in shock from everything. “See ya tonight.”

* * *

Remus sighed as he flipped to another channel. Everyone was busy today, so he had no one to have fun with. It didn’t help that Remus’ brain wouldn’t shut up about what happened that morning, dozens of sinful ideas flittering throughout his head. It was getting increasingly harder to ignore them, especially since he couldn’t figure out what else Roman and Janus could’ve been doing.

_ Maybe they’re planning a surprise party or something. But what would they be celebrating?  _ Remus got up, wincing as his muscles popped. He made his way up to their bedroom, where a calendar was hung up. It contained most of their plans, including workdays and holidays. Remus flipped through the rest of the month and frowned.  _ Virgil’s birthday is in 3 weeks, but they wouldn’t need to hide that from me. There’s nothing else important going on for a while- wait a minute. _ Remus quickly pulled out his phone, checking to make sure he had the date right. He turned back to the calendar, his heart sinking.  _ Janus doesn’t have work today. Why did he lie to me? _

_ “Just wait until tonight, and I promise it’ll be worth it.” _

Remus shook his head, trying to get the memory out of his head. Surely he misheard them. Roman probably had a date with his boyfriends tonight, and Janus wanted details about it. That was probably it! Janus had always been overprotective of Virgil. 

He was probably helping Roman plan the date this morning! And they probably didn’t trust Remus to not blab about it to Virgil. Remus completely understood why.  _ ‘Annoying bitch’ was a popular nickname in high school. Oh, I probably made Janus so upset today. How can I make it up to him?  _ Remus paced around the room for a few minutes before it hit him.

_ I can make dinner! I’ll dress nice and make some pasta! And I can apologize after we eat. Maybe we can have sex afterward if he forgives me. Oh, this’ll be so much fun!  _ Remus quickly pulled out his phone, calling Janus. It took almost a full minute for him to pick up, his voice slightly breathless.

_ “Yes, Darling?” _

Remus swallowed hard before answering. “Hey J! I was wondering if you wanted to have some pasta tonight for dinner. I know I haven’t cooked in a while but we have all of the ingredients, and we could dress up and use the nice candles. We could have a little date night!”

There was a few moments of silence before Remus heard something that made his blood turn to ice.  _ “Tell him..-o!” _

_ Roman’s there, and he doesn’t want Janus to have dinner with me. Why?  _

Remus ignored the thought as Janus answered.  _ “That would be lovely, Darling. I’ll be home later tonight, alright?” _

Remus nodded, before realizing Janus couldn’t see it. “Alrighty! I’ll see you then!” He ended the call and sighed, thinking back to what he heard.  _ Maybe Roman needed more help planning for his date?  _ Remus’ phone suddenly buzzed and he quickly checked it.

_ V- (2:13 PM) Hey, wanna hang out tonight? Pat and Lo are going on a date, and Ro said he’s busy. _

Remus felt his heart sink.  _ Roman’s not planning a date tonight. So why is he hanging out with Janus? _

_ It’s obvious, isn’t it?  _ Remus ignored the though just long enough to type out a response.

_ R- (2:14 PM) Sorry, Emo! I’ve got a date with Janny tonight. Let’s hang out tomorrow! _

Remus didn’t bother waiting for a response, throwing his phone onto the bed. The pieces fit together so clearly, and Remus had been too blind to see it.

_ Janus is cheating on me with Roman. _

Remus looked up at the mirror, noting his unwrapped chest and obvious lack of masculine genitalia.  _ It makes sense. Roman’s so much better. He’s charming and caring, and he doesn’t have boobs. Roman’s always been the better twin. I’m surprised this didn’t happen sooner. Who would want someone like me? I’m a woman with a mustache and a fake name. I’m loud and annoying and repulsive.  _ Remus looked away from the mirror, his skin crawling.  _ I can at least make this last dinner a good one. A thank-you gift for dealing with me for so long. Goodness knows that Janus deserves it. _

* * *

Remus sighed as he prepared the dinner plates, wincing as he bent down slightly. He wore and extremely tight (and too small) binder today, not wanting to see even a hint of tits. The pain also helped remind him of why he was doing this.  _ Janus deserves so much better than a lazy slut like me. _

Remus forced himself to continue moving and not start crying on the spot. He carried the dishes to the dining room, where Janus sat in one of the chairs. Remus sat down one of the dished in front of Janus before placing the other in the spot next to him. Remus fought back a wince as his binder restricted his breathing.

Dinner was… tense, to put it lightly. Neither talked for the first twenty minutes, Janus refusing to even look in Remus’ direction. After that, Remus had enough, slamming his silverware on the table as he stood up. “Look, I know what’s going on.”

Janus gaped for a moment in shock. “You… do?”

Remus nodded. “I don’t know how long it’s been going on but I figured it out this morning. And I just wanna say that I understand. I know I’m loud and annoying and fat and I don’t even have a dick to make up for it. And you deserve the world, and I’ll gladly leave if it makes you happy, because I love you and I want you to be happy more than anything. But please stop lyin’ to me and tell the goddamn truth!”

Janus blinked slowly. “Remus, what do you believe you know?”

Remus sighed, not wanting to verbalize the idea but needing to anyways. “I know you’re fuckin’ my brother. And I understand why; Roro is so much better than me in so many ways. But please stop trying to hide it from me. I can’t pretend that nothing’s going on.”

Janus stared for a moment before smiling sadly. “No sweetheart, I’m not having sex with your brother.”

Remus threw his hands up, defeated. “Stop lying to me, J! I wanna believe you but I can’t think of any other possibility! I know you were with him all day, and you weren’t helping him plan for somethin’, because Roman’s not on a date tonight and there’s nothing to celebrate-”

Remus didn’t even realize that Janus had stood up until he had taken Remus’ hand. “But there is something to celebrate tonight, Darling.”

Remus felt tears pooling in his eyes. Why was Janus trying to keep this act up? It was only making things worse. “What are we celebrating, then?”

Janus gently tugged on Remus’ hand, leading him into the kitchen. He pulled open the freezer to reveal two glasses of a vaguely familiar beverage. “Banana milkshakes. Roman said they were your favorite when the two of you were kids. Here, this one’s for you.” Remus numbly held the drink while Janus moved to search for something, still talking. “I was with Roman all day because he was helping me plan this. I was planning on giving you this romantic speech while you drank it, but we should probably speed things up a little.” Janus returned with a small spoon, silently trading glasses with Remus. He then proceeded to scoop something out of the bottom of the glass before turning to the sink, rinsing the smoothie-covered spoon with water. He turned back to Remus and kneeled down. “Remus Prince, you mean more to me than the moon and stars above. I have loved you for many years, and have wanted to ask this for nearly just as long.” He held up a hand and Remus was shocked to see a ring. “Remus, will you give me the honor of being your husband?”

Remus stared at the ring, frozen in shock.  _ Janus wants to marry me… _

Remus didn’t even realize he was crying until Janus stood up, cupping his cheek. “Darling, what’s wrong?”

Remus could barely keep the tremors out of his voice. “I-I’m such an asshole. Here you are, proposing, and I accuse you of fucking my brother!” His voice started to get hysterical at the end. “I-I’m sorry. You were acting so odd and my brain wouldn’t shut up and it  _ hurt and-” _

“Shh.” A thumb gently caressed Remus’ temple and he melted into the touch. “I understand. It’s not your fault. I shouldn’t have tried to be so secretive. Why don’t we go to bed and talk about this in the morning, hm?”

Remus nodded. “Bed sounds nice. And Janus?”

Janus kept one hand on Remus’ cheek as he used the other to put away the smoothies. “Yes, Darling?”

Remus tilted his head and kissed Janus’ palm. “Yes, let’s get married.”

Janus smiled, and Remus felt his heart start to lift again.  _ “Marvelous.” _

* * *

Later that night, Janus was spooning Remus from under his pile of blankets. “Darling?”

Remus smiled sleepily. “Yes, Dear?”

Janus began to massage Remus’ hip as he spoke. “I noticed your binder was tight when you took it off earlier. And you said some pretty nasty things about yourself. I just want to make sure that everything’s alright.”

Remus sighed, snuggling into Janus’ hold. “I’m fine, I promise. My thoughts were just spiraling today. And when I thought you were choosing Roman over me, my dysphoria sort of hit me full force. But I’m fine now, babe, I promise.”

Janus began to press kisses to the back of Remus’ neck. “You know I’ll still love you, no matter what you look like.”

Remus smiled. “I know, darling. I’m still not getting any surgery. I know some people prefer it, but I don’t want it. I prefer me just the way I am.”

Janus chuckled. “Alright, goodnight Darling.”

Remus smiled, letting himself be sucked into the abyss of sleep. “Goodnight.”


	10. Telling the Others

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janus and Remus want to wait until everyone's together before breaking the news. Roman thinks he's a good secret keeper. And he is... sort of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussions of sex, mentions of past cheating, alcohol

_ R- (10:48 PM) So, how did it go, Snakey McSnakerson? _

_ R- (10:50 PM) Also, please don’t respond to this if you’re having sex. I don’t want to know when my brother’s doing the do _

_ J- (8:09 AM) We did NOT have sex last night, thank you very much. We had a very important discussion about communication and then cuddled for the rest of the night _

_ J- (8:09 AM) However, I do not recommend coming over at any point today. Now that it’s fully sunk in that we’re getting married, Remus has decided that the only place I should be today is between his legs _

_ R- (8:10 AM) ewewewewewewewewewew! Ew! I specifically said that I DIDN’T want to hear about my brother’s sex life _

_ J- (8:10 AM) Remus says hi btw _

_ R- (8:11 AM) Hey Ree. Please wait until we’re finished talking before having sex with your fiance. I need his full attention right now _

_ J- (8:11 AM) He can multitask ;) - Remus _

_ R- (8:12 AM) STOP IT! I am NOT talking to you while you’re having sex. And we need to talk about this so put it back in your pants! _

_ J- (8:13 AM) Alright, you have our attention _

_ R- (8:13 AM) Good _

_ R- (8:13 AM) Now, when are you telling the others? Because if you don’t want to be the ones to tell them I’ll go and blab to them right now _

_ J- (8:14 AM) Please don’t do that _

_ J- (8:15 AM) WE want to tell them all at the same time. So any time that the four of you are available (not today) come over and we’ll tell them then _

_ R- (8:15 AM) Alright, but that might be harder than you think. Everyone’s really busy for the next few weeks, and the next time we’ll all visit you won’t be until Virgil’s birthday. And I don’t think I can keep it a secret for that long _

_ J- (8:15 AM) You better not or I’ll rip off your nipples and shove them up your nose - Remus _

_ J- (8:15 AM) Okay me and Jannie are gonna go have sex now so byeeeeeeeeeeeeee - Remus _

Roman made a face as he put his phone down, trying to remove the mental image of his brother doing…  _ that.  _ He shuddered as he took a sip of coffee before groaning.  _ I have to keep this a secret until the others find out. I could barely stop myself from spilling the beans to Remus yesterday!  _ He sighed, getting up to grab some more of that heavenly liquid.  _ This is gonna be a loooooong three weeks. _

Roman  _ thought  _ he was being sneaky, keeping everything a secret while subtly hinting that they should visit Remus and Janus. He made sure not to bring it up to the same person more than once a day, he didn’t say anything about the engagement, he didn’t even hint at there being a secret in the first place. He was really proud of himself, and he mentally patted himself on the back before he went to bed each night.

* * *

In reality, Roman wasn’t nearly as sneaky as he thought he was.

Virgil, Logan, and Patton were currently sitting in a booth at  _ Puppies Pastries  _ as they discussed their predicament. Roman would’ve been joining them for lunch, but he had to stay back for something involving his next theater production. But that ended up being perfect, as it gave his three boyfriends time to discuss what was wrong with their other fourth.

“Roman’s definitely hiding something.” Logan began, adjusting his tie as he spoke. He only had 15 minutes before he had to be back at the library, so he was designated to begin their ‘note-swapping’ (or ‘gossiping’ as Virgil and Patton interpreted it). “He’s been showing repeated signs of nervousness, especially when pressured. He’s also begun biting his lip throughout conversations, which he normally does when he desperately wants to say something but is holding himself back.”

Patton sighed, playing around with the leftover paper wrappings from his straw. “Whatever he’s hiding, it’s not a bad thing. He acts differently when he’s hiding something that he thinks could hurt people.” Virgil and Logan both winced, Virgil more in sympathy. Even though Patton had forgiven Logan for cheating on him all of those years ago with Roman, it was still obviously something that Patton forgave but didn’t forget. “Maybe it’s a birthday gift for Vee? His birthday’s in less than a week.”

Logan frowned, tapping his fingers on the table. “Then why wouldn’t he tell us about it? He’s trusted us with each other’s gifts in the past, why not Virgils? Besides, he already purchased Virgil’s gift weeks ago. Why would he suddenly purchase another gift?”

Patton hummed, scrunching his nose up as he thought about it. “Maybe it’s like a joint-gift? Like it’s a gift for all of us?”

Virgil shook his head, setting down his tea. “But he also keeps bringing up visiting Remus and Janus. That doesn’t have anything to do with a gift. And I bet that whatever secret Roman’s keeping has to do with them.” 

Logan frowned. “But didn’t you just speak with the two of them yesterday? Did they say or do anything that seemed suspicious?”

Virgil frowned. “I mean, they were a lot more…  _ touchier  _ with each other than normal, but that’s not really anything new.”

Logan nodded. “Then we’ll just have to wait and observe. Roman obviously wants us to all go and see Remus and Janus together. After that happens, we can observe Roman’s actions to see if he is still potentially withholding information from us.”

Virgil nodded, an idea forming. “Hey, so Roman’s wanting us to see them before my birthday, right? So why don’t we visit them tonight? Logan, I know you’re off tonight. And Patton, you said today’s running slower than usual, so why don’t you either close up early or leave it to Katherine? And I’ll ask Roman if we can reschedule our date night to tomorrow.” They all agreed to the plan before parting ways, but not before leaving each other a few heartfelt kisses goodbye.

* * *

Roman was practically vibrating with excitement as Patton drove them to Janus and Remus’ house. They hadn’t been able to visit the two lovebirds in a while, since everyone was usually busy until late in the afternoon and Patton hated driving in the dark. But today, everyone had gotten off of work early so they could leave while the sun was still high in the sky. After calling to make sure Remus and Janus were… _ decent,  _ Janus promised that they could stay the night and leave in the morning.

(What they really needed was a second car, but Roman wasn’t going to bring that up in front of Virgil. If he did, Virgil would probably do something extreme like  _ buy them each a car.  _ And while Roman loved to be spoiled by his dark knight, it didn’t feel right for Virgil to go to such extremes for them. So, once Roman had enough money to at least afford most of a car, he would talk to Virgil about it. And while Roman desperately wanted to pay for this car on his own, he knew that Virgil would be sad if Roman didn’t let him help with at least  _ some  _ of the costs.)

Roman practically jumped out of the car as they pulled up the driveway, resisting the urge to run into the house and squeal as he hugged his brother. Roman hadn’t been in physical contact with Remus since before Janus proposed, and while Roman had given his congratulations over the phone, he was itching to do it in person. But he still had to pretend like he didn’t know anything; at least until they told the others.

So, instead of giving in to his impatience and giddiness, Roman instead lead the others into the manor, his fingers constantly twitching against his leg in a futile attempt to release some of his pent-up energy. Remus was the one who answered the door, and Roman’s arms visibly twitched as he resisted the urge to grab his brother and spin him around. As they made their way into the house, Patton stopped Roman with a hand on his shoulder, his expression concerned. “Everything okay, Ro? You’re shaking.”

Roman nodded quickly, suddenly noticing that he was literally  _ vibrating  _ with excitement. “I’m fine, I promise.” He tried to keep his fidgeting under control. “I’m just excited to see Remus again.”

Patton gave him a look before nodding. “Alright, but if you need to leave, let me know and I’ll make an excuse for us to leave early. I’ll drive you home and we can cuddle and watch Disney movies for the rest of the night.”

Roman smiled. He knew Patton didn’t like to drive around at night, and so for him to offer that meant a lot to him. “Thank you Pat, but I’m fine, I promise.”

Patton sighed but conceded, the hand on Roman’s shoulder dropping down to hold his hand instead. Roman smiled and laced their fingers together, still flooded with excitement as they made their way to the lounge. Everyone else was already sitting down, Remus and Janus on the loveseat while Logan and Virgil sat on the couch. Roman gestured for Patton to sit with their boyfriends while Roman sat down on the loveseat, his foot tapping impatiently as he waited for them to say it.

Remus chuckled at his brother’s antics. “You seem more excited about this than we are.” At Roman’s affronted look he chuckled, turning back to the others. “We have some pretty big news to share.” He tried to stay casual, but he ended up being too excited as he showed off the ring on his finger, squealing. “We’re getting married!”

Before anyone could react, Roman pulled his twin onto his feet, hugging him tightly. “I know I already knew about this beforehand, but I still can’t believe- oh, you’re getting  _ married. _ ” He suddenly spun Remus around in a circle, his heart leaping as he spoke. “There’s gonna be a cake, and flowers, and it’ll be so pretty- oh, I’m so  _ proud  _ of you Ree!” They both giggled together, tears in their eyes as they hugged.

By the time Remus turned to look at the others, Virgil still hadn’t spoken, just sitting there on the couch. There was a far off look in his eyes as he spoke softly. “You’re getting married?”

Janus nodded from where he was still seated on the couch. “Yes, I proposed to Remus a little over 2 weeks ago, with the help of Roman.” Roman beamed with pride, but Virgil was still staring off in the distance in shock. “Virgil?”

Virgil finally looked up at Janus, his hands clenching and unclenching as he spoke. “I’m not sure if I should feel protective or proud.”

Patton giggled, his eyes filled with tears of joy. “Why not both?”

Virgil nodded, still looking dazed as he gave Janus a  _ look.  _ “If you ever even  _ think  _ about hurting Remus, I will make your life a living hell.”

Janus nodded solemnly, though there was a small smile on his face. “I would expect nothing less.”

Virgil then turned to face Remus, who had just sat back down next to his fiance. “If you ever even  _ think  _ about hurting Janus, I will make your life a living hell.”

Remus smiled. “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

Virgil nodded before it fully sunk in. “You’re getting  _ married.” _

Remus giggled. “Yeah, we said that already Emo.”

There were a few more moments of silence before there was a blur of movement, and suddenly Virgil was on top of Janus and Remus, pulling them close.  _ “Ohmygosh YOU’RE GETTING MARRIED!”  _ He squealed, practically vibrating as he pulled them close. If Virgil hadn’t already flung himself on top of them, he probably would’ve swung them around like Roman had.

They sat there like that for several minutes, giggling and crying as together before Janus felt a hand touch his arm. Janus looked up to see Logan and Patton holding each other and smiling at him, tears in their eyes as Logan spoke. “You have our sincerest congratulations.”

Patton let out a watery giggle. “Have you planned anything yet?”

Remus nodded while Janus answered. “We’ll get married at some point in December. There won’t be a big wedding, since it’ll just be between the 6 of us. We’ll go to the courthouse, then we’ll have a private ceremony here. Our honeymoon will probably be spent here, since there’s no place that either of us wish to visit.”

Remus grinned. “But we’ll still have fancy clothes and plenty of alcohol! And we need to plan for telling our fans that we’re married.”

Patton nodded. “Well, I can make your wedding cake! And if you need any help with the planning, just let us know!”

There was another hour of chatting before Remus got out the alcohol. They drank a little and chatted with each other, still giggling and crying throughout the night. Virgil looked over and saw his boyfriend cuddling on the couch, all of them either asleep or close to it. He chuckled. “Looks like some _ -hic! _ -one can’t handle their alcohol.” It took him a moment but eventually he stood up, swaying slightly. “You lovebirds have fun. I’ll take these - _ hic! _ \- lightweights to bed.”

It took a while, but eventually Virgil got all of his boyfriends up the stairs and in bed. He quickly learned that his boyfriends were very cuddly while drunk. Roman had all of limbs wrapped around Virgil’s torso, hugging him from behind. Patton had somehow made his way down the bed until he was nuzzling Virgil’s hip, his arms wrapped around Virgil’s legs. Logan was curled up just above Patton, his face buried in Virgil’s neck.

Virgil smiled at the sight, trying to commit the image to memory in his drunken state. Eventually, his eyelids started to grow heavy, and after one last look at the loves of his life, he happily drifted off to sleep.


End file.
